Freedom or Safety? Can Kids Have Both?

In the US, most parents believe that protecting kids trumps letting them develop independence. But how do Nordic kids master independence, while staying safe?

“It’s just not safe,” is how countless American moms respond to my Nordic-inspired ideas of giving their children some breathing room, and letting them learn critical life skills that all sprout from allowing them some independence. This, even though we all also agree that having the ability to be able to do things on your own is crucial for children to thrive in life.

But, nothing seems safe, from backyard outdoor stroller naps or to running around the playground with parent sitting on the sidelines to biking around the block or walking home from the school bus—we don’t even let kids stay home alone for a short periods of time “in case something happens”.

I get it. If your child has no skills to keep themselves safe or ability to think on their feet, these things can be very unsafe. And, of course, the famous Scandinavian outdoor stroller naps should always happen in a safe place. But, once you reach toddlerhood and beyond, unless we teach and prepare our children and repeat this lessons countless times while constantly extending the theoretical lease, they will never really learn how to be safe.

It’s often thought that in the Nordics, everything is safer, and people—strangers—are just there to help the little independent little around. However, that’s not really true. Traffic can be just as unpredictable and grownups just as distracted as anywhere else.

What the Nordic parents then do, to make it all safer for their kids, that by the time kids are 10, they typically move and conduct big parts of their day to day just as independently as adults.

I learnt this first hand when I started spending more time in my native Finland with my 3 boys. Having grown up in the US, my boys were utterly unequipped with most critical life skills to thrive as autonomously as their same-age friends. I looked in awe what the other children were capable of, and took it upon myself to ask every mom and dad I knew how they had gotten there. And the answer was simple, every time:

“I taught them; they learned from me, they learnt from their friends and they learnt from me letting them figure some things out.”

So, here are simple things you can do, Nordic style, to help your kids get more real life savvy, so they can be safer as they develop their independence skills.

Teaching Safety Instead of Just Protecting

1. Traffic Rules

You can start your child teaching traffic signs and rules, as soon as your child is interested in venturing out the door. By the time your child is 6 years old, they should be able to understand and predict traffic around where you move. For example, they should understand traffic signs and signals, how cars move on the roads, cross walks, stop signs, traffic lights, sidewalks, bike paths. If there are street crossings without a crosswalk, traffic lights or stop signs, or blind corners, teach them how cars or other vehicles move on that road and how to predict safe times to cross or safe place to walk or bike or scooter or skateboard (and don’t forget the full face helmet).

2.Dress Right

Nordics take every precaution to make their children more visible with reflectors on clothing and on backpacks and reflective clips added to clothing or reflective straps on wrists. Bikes also always have reflectors. In the US, where there can be few sidewalks and pedestrian crossings, I also like reflective vests in kids’s sizes—yes, these are the same street construction workers and traffic police were as well.

3.Stranger Danger & People You Know

While stranger danger is statistically five times lower as you having a co-joined twin (links to Let Grow statistics in Scandi Smart section below) it doesn’t matter, because as a parent, any risk is terrifying. Just as terrifying can be the people we potentially think of as “safe adults”—they can pose a much more immediate, statistically higher danger. So what is a parent to do? You prepare. There are kid’s self defense courses that don’t just focus on the kids’ physical capabilities as the primary defense, but first put emphasis on getting out of the “freeze” reaction that happens when we get into a threatening situation. Without being able to overcome that—an extremely difficult thing to do for grownups as well—physical abilities are of no use. Also critical are nonverbal and verbal tactics, and the ability to know what to do in different situations. Having the this type of awareness will also increase your child’s confidence and how they read different situation: skills that will benefit them for a lifetime.

4.Self- and Situational Awareness & Sense of Direction

When kids are always on “the passenger seat” and you take them—lead them—to wherever you are going, they will never learn to understand where they are and how to navigate from place to place. As soon as your child able to, ask them, at least occasionally, to lead you or show you or direct you.

Same goes for hovering over kids on a playground. It’s the first place where they can learn to understand both situational awareness, who and what is around you, and how to understand the cues of the environment, and read other’s nonverbal cues. To help them to that, you need to let them “play in peace”, meaning, not constantly narrating what you see, or suggesting what they should do and how. Kids can—and need to—learn this on their own with trial and error, and you can increase your distance, little by little, until you can let them play freely, bike around the block, and run into the library or grocery store if they are nearby or when you are in the parking lot.

A child with these types of strong senses is not easily surprised, and is able to be quick on their feet to figure things out.

5.Intuition

The not much talked about, but most critical skill, is also the number one thing keeping us all safe: a keen sense of intuition, and the ability to follow our inner compass and make decisions based on your instinct. Children are born to be exceptional at this. This goes from navigating risky play—helping them to be calculated with their physical movements—to sensing when something doesn’t feel right—so they can learn to respond to it confidently or sense it before it even happens to avoid it all together.

Would you teach your children to be safer out there or rather just protect them?

PS. Want to share this with mom & dad friends who wish their could give their kids’ more freedom, but are not sure how to help them be safer?

Scandi Glossary

NORDIC RANGE KIDS= My made-up, Nordic version of the U.S. term “free range kids”. The concept of free range alludes to the concept of allowing kids to be independent and to learn from natural consequences, with limited parental supervision. While it seems like the Nordic way is the exactly the same, there’s a big emphasis on educating your child to navigate the world safely, from a very young age—Nordic parents do it, daycares do it and schools do it. In the US, we can create our own community that supports us in our efforts to help our child thrive, independently.

Scandi Smart

READ: Let Grow organization’s report on children and US crime statistics.

WATCH: Chasing Childhood on Apple TV, a documentary on how we can help turn overprotected, over directed children into confident, joyful kids.

SHOP: To enable you to let your kids outside in the rain or in otherwise wet weather, without having them get messy, muddy and soaked, try Reima rain gear from Finnish outdoor brand Reima (watch how my boys do outdoor play in the rain here).

And to enable you to walk home from the school bus, or school, in every kind of weather, get Reima fall wear—because it’s not only cool everyday wear, but waterproof or water resistant based on your pick: here’s the waterproof windbreaker jacket, light & water resistant (or waterproof) outdoor shell pants, a cotton beanie and waterproof gloves. For rain and fall wear, at checkout, add code ANNABELLA20 for 20% off.

PS. This newsletter is currently free. The shoppable links are affiliate links. I secured special discount codes for you: if you buy something, I get a small percentage of the purchase—so if you find something you love and shop, thank you!

x Annabella Daily