How to Choose a School for Your Child like a Scandinavian

Will American school rankings, feeder schools, tutors & test scores really determine your child's future success and happiness? Can Nordic values play a part?

Feb 02, 2023

I poured a second cup of hot coffee into my Iittala mug, topped it off with steamed Oatly barista milk, and sat at my desk in my Nordic-style home office: minimalistic, white and wooden, with one whimsical element: palm tree-designed full-length drapes hanging on the window behind my desk.

I opened the Notes on my laptop, and started writing down the questions—questions I wanted to ask the different elementary schools we were touring with our oldest son, Lucas. Our choice would determine where he would start his fourth grade next fall.

Having experienced two schools in the US, and one in Finland, I knew exactly what I wanted to ask:

“Do the kids get to go outside even if it rains, during recess?”
“How often do the kids have recess and how long does it last?”
“How long are the school days?”
“Do they get homework, and if so, how much, and are parents expected to do it with their child?”
“Are the kids educated in life skills, beyond learning academics?
“Are the kids taught to take the standardized tests, and if so, how much time does preparing for and learning to take these tests, take out of the semester?”
“How much emphasis is there on test scores and grades throughout the year?”
“Is it common for the kids to have tutors outside of the school hours (to advance academically)?”
“How many language classes do they have a week, and how many languages can they study?”
“How much are parents expected to be part of the school day?”
“Can we do a couple of weeks in a foreign (Finnish) school each year, to provide them a worldly education, and to keep up with their second language?”

I knew my questions would get a somewhat of a bewildered response. Typically, a parent’s focus would be the school’s academic excellence, and how a child can progress on an elite educational track.

In the US, the academic track often starts with school programs for 2-year-olds. In the Nordics, kids go to daycare until they start school at age 7—Finnish daycare is more similar to some American private play-based, outdoorsy nursery schools, not so much American daycare.

Life Goals

Lucas started his American schooling with a two-year-olds program in a New York private school (to put this in context, this was quote common: no public schools or daycare exist for 2 year olds). We applied for the school when he turned one, and were shortly afterwards interviewed by the school’s founder—to see if Lucas, and our family, would be a good fit.

“So, what are your goals for your son?” she asked.

I realized I hadn’t spent any time thinking about my hopes for his academic success: I had just stopped breastfeeding and was excited that he was sleeping through the night, and that he was learning to take his first steps.

I had however thought about my parenting mission, which I also hoped would be supported by any school he would come to attend, so I led with that.

“Well, I would hope his education—and our parenting—prepares him to live in this world as a global citizen, and, as long as he has a map and a dictionary, enables him to thrive anywhere he is, with curiosity and a sense of adventure.”

Perhaps surprisingly, this New York private school founder loved my response, and said that she shared that life goal, for all their students.

My Education in American Schooling

Since then, our boys have been educated in nurturing small-sized classes without grades or standardized tests, and have had the ability, at least to a certain extent, to develop with different subjects at their own pace.

But now the big world awaits, and especially with 3rd and 4th grades, the American academic trajectory gets on fast track.

Mandatory standardized tests in the US—designed by the education departments in each state and machine graded, begin at 3rd grade. Your test scores, class grades and overall success even at elementary school level, I have now come to learn, is largely believed to determine your place and success in the American society. Whether you will end up thriving in life—or not.

My Scandinavian philosophy and educational values, I have been told, are sweet and all, but ultimately, as we are in America, and in an intensely competitive place, it was time for me to “get real”.

So, besides penning down my Nordic-style school questions, I set out to understand how parents and experts around me viewed education, and make choices for the kids.

The kids have dual citizenships, so taking advantage of the free, top education in Finland for a semester.

7 Things I Have Learnt About the American School System

Pls note: these are my personal learnings from NYC and my current town in the state of CT, both extremely competitive when it comes to academic success, and don’t reflect the American school systems as a whole.

To see if I could make the best of both worlds, to help my boys fit in the academic hustle—without the extreme hustle—instill some Scandi values and Nordic balance into their educational demands—I have, in the last few weeks, had personal conversations with an American pediatrician, American pediatric holistic doctor, American elementary school principals and teachers from private and public schools, my American friends, and, of course, my American husband. Here are the 7 things that I have learnt.

In the American education system, each grade not only feeds you to the next grade—but each school also “feeds” you to the next school. The phenomenon is called “feeder schools”, and if you want to be in the American “elite”, your school choices from the 2-year-olds programs onwards can determine what choices are available to you later on—including universities—and what employers will glance at your resumes when you graduate.
Public schools are ranked by the grades their students get in the standardized tests: the students are tested mainly in English reading and writing, math and science. Each state has a slightly different ranking systems. As much as its possible, parents often look to buy a home in an area with “the best ranked schools,” and in NYC, it’s not uncommon for parents to rent a studio apartment just to get an address in a desired school district.
Private schools, which tend to have smaller student to teacher ratios, and more resources, often have the most vigorous curriculums and demand more of their students. Ultimately, you are paying a tuition to give your child a boost in his path to academic excellence and the choices he’ll have later on.
Elementary school days are quite long, about 7-8 hours a day, compared to the Scandinavian average of 4.5-5 hours a day for a 4th grader
Many young kids, whether they go to private or public school, have tutors outside of the school day, to keep up or advance their peers, excel in tests, achieve higher grades, and to build up their confidence in their academic abilities
Kids can be rated at each part of the school year where they are academically based on grade-level standards from above to lower than grade level.
Whether kids can go outside during recess or not can be determined by state guidelines: beyond misty might be considered extreme weather and a cause for indoor recess, though this changes school by school

Decisions, decisions

I myself was a total nerd, who, after learning the alphabet at age 7—not uncommon for Scandinavian kids as 1st grade starts at age seven—quickly fell in love with learning. I couldn’t get enough. In middle school, I even demanded my parents help me pay for extra classes especially in French, which I wanted to master. Tutors were unheard of, so I signed up for adult-learning classes.

Part of me believes that I fell in love with learning because there was no rush, no intensity, no competition (I would have welcomed some!), and this part of me doesn’t want to start pushing my boys so hard, so young. Fall in love with it instead.

So, how do we choose the right school?

We toured multiple highly ranked schools, both private and public, and I got answers to all my questions—and also learnt how they all guided kids towards top scores and academic excellence.

I gathered information as if my son’s future depended on it—because, if all my sources were to be believed, it did!

I still couldn’t help but wonder if my Nordic philosophy would have any value in this. I couldn’t help but believe that promoting autonomy, collaboration and play could also help a child succeed in life—and be valuable for how success tends to be defined here: financial success.

Don’t forget to tap the like button at the end, it’s like saying “hi! I was here!”

Best of Both Worlds

Could I strike a balance and give my son an opportunity for Scandinavian-style stress-free studies and American-style striving for excellence?

Maybe. If I found a place, where he would have the most fun learning to reach his own personal best, and the most flexibility to thrive—in the US but also in the world?

One of the schools we visited, even though otherwise not very modern, had a classroom with a pedal desk, hockey stool desk, stand-up desk, yoga ball desk, bouncy-band desk, yoga cushion desk, and active motion tool desk.

“Wow, I haven’t seen a classroom quite like this before,” I said to the principal, who kindly showed us around, and answered my many questions.

“All the kids learn differently. This way they can decide what type of work station helps them focus and learn and do their best,” replied the principal, adding: “our teaching staff has been trained by a Finnish educator, to incorporate elements from the Nordic way of learning into our curriculum.”

Balance, perhaps, at its best?

LET’S CHAT! What do you think?! How do you decide what’s the ideal school for your child? How do you define a good school or good education? Does your child’s future depend on it? What’s more important, loving learning, having school be stress-free, or getting top grades and advancing peers? LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW!