How to Rekindle Things After Kids

Why These Relationship Secrets Are The Ultimate Father's Day Gift

I really want to know if you think this piece about Father's Day is helpful! If it helps you, please give us a quick "yes!" in the comments below. Thanks!

Out of all the days of the year, Father's Day is a day when dads secretly wish they could have just a little, tiny bit of their life before kids back — namely, the connection and the intimacy in your relationship you had pre-kids. You know, the type of connection and intimacy you have to have to make kids in the first place. (You're smart. We don't need to spell it out for you, right? ;))

I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that maintaining an intimate relationship after kids is a lot of work. Finding moments to connect in any way can be few and far between. 

Most tips you find on Google are pretty futile. Like, "Pursue your spouse like it's the first date." OK?? That had to have been written by someone who doesn't have kids, right? Or, at least someone who has kids that sleep... in their own beds... all the night long. (Can I have their amazing bedtime routine, please?)

So with Father's Day coming up, I want to share a few totally doable and useful real-life (and therefore out of the norm from what you read out there!!!) tips from myself and other real moms on how to rekindle your relationship this Sunday;-)

Why? Because it's something I'm working on and think it's actually worthwhile for all of us! Pursuing a happy, connected relationship is a worthy wellness habit that helps us to be happier, which can encourage us to take great care of our kids. Plus, the energy of a connected relationship in the home creates an overall happier, thriving household, kids included. (Or at least one that's that way most of the time — nobody's perfect!) How cool is that?

Ok, let's go!

1. Schedule a time to connect

If you don't it's likely just not going to happen and you'll be like ships passing in the night. At least that's true in the "daily jungle" that I live in. :-)

My friend K. — a mom to one boy in kindergarten and one girl in preschool — said scheduling a moment once a week after kids are asleep is a must. But, if you are utterly exhausted by the time the kids get to bed, I would add that a weekend nap time, or even a kids-only movie time, works just as well.

Schedule it and stick to it like it's an important calendar appointment: You get ready for it, schedule other things around it, and don't let anything (except maybe a total kid meltdown) get in your way. You can even schedule a back-up date just in case things go awry.

Don't just take it from us moms, though! Katie Silcox,, M.A., is the New York Times Bestselling Author of Healthy Happy Sexy: Ayurveda Wisdom for Modern Women, Ayurvedic Specialist, and the Founder of Shakti School, a premier online certification school for women-centered holistic wellness. Her advice when it comes to scheduling romantic time together this Father's Day is to focus on intentionality. 

"When we have a family, our creative life force is often going in a hundred different directions. It is important to create intentional intimacy with your partner," she told Daily Jungle. "This goes beyond simply stating, 'Thursday is date night.' Yes, we should carve out time, but what are we going to do to create more presence and passion together when we have that window carved out? Just going out to your favorite restaurant can get kind of old — and therefore not so 'hot.'"

2. Set an early bedtime & help kids fall asleep on time

This might be controversial, but two friends of mine give their kids a pediatrician-suggested dose of children's melatonin to occasionally expedite them falling asleep. My friends, K. and P. — a mom to two boys and a girl under 8 and two boys and a girl under 7, respectively — say they do this if their kids are not calming down no matter what they've tried.

While this trick is a "never" to most moms — and melatonin is not a remedy you would want to use regularly for numerous reasons— I can understand how that can be of help. Especially if your kids tend to keep running out of bed until you feel like you'll fall asleep standing up if they don't fall asleep soon, or if you don't remember the last time you actually had a chance to even talk without being interrupted.

Even with it's controversy, at least melatonin is better than locking your kids' bedroom doors. (Which is definitely another thing I have secretly heard from some moms, though they'd never admit it!) The tamest way to soothe the untamable might be a dropper of homeopathic chamomila (I use 30c), as it's very calming and soothing for kids; I have used chamomila I got from our integrative medical doctor on all of my kids, including my 20-month-old, Jonas, and it's a common homeopathic remedy. 

3. Elevate the moment with CBD & natural mood enhancers

I think this is a great time for bubbly. Make sure it's nice and cold! One of our followers suggested on Instagram to put the glasses in the freezer to get chilly, Italian style, before pouring.

But, some moms I know are going in the other direction. It's controversial in some places and commonplace in others, but what I hear many moms doing these days is to "pop a gummy" for a date night at home. (A cannabis gummy from a legal, medicinal dispensary, that is.) My friend C. — a mom of three boys — says her OB prescribes it and it that it doesn't cause a hangover. Besides calming down and just getting a moment to connect, certain types of THC can also cause an increased libido in some people.

And again, I'm not suggesting anyone to do this, I'm only telling you what moms secretly tell each other!

A tamer alternative for this would be to take CBD, which I personally like taking for its calming effect (while still staying focused). It's from the same plant but does not contain THC, the psychoactive ingredient that produces the high.

Here's my plan: Cool the champs and the glasses, and add a few drops of CBD into the bubbly. Some studies say this not only helps you relax more, but negates some of the negative effects of alcohol. Since alcohol is a depressant that can make you tired quickly (which we don't want!) just stick to 1-2 glasses! 

Other natural mood enhancers include exercise, massage with vanilla-scented coconut oil, and herbal support in the form of Ashwagandha and Shatavari, Katie Silcox suggests. She also notes that couples should remember to be as intentional as they can in the time leading up to your scheduled time together — send cheeky text, give a little unexpected squeeze, and reminisce on prior moments of desire together. "They are all variations on intention and learning to flirt with your partner like a teenage schoolgirl," she says.

My last tidbit would be to set some boundaries around what you might or might not discuss — like no logistics — that could kill the mood. This might just be the best priceless Father's Day gift that you can make a gift that keeps giving! :-) 

I really want to know what you think! Leave a comment below; how do you make it for work you, and do you/ would you try any of these?

You can also DM me or comment on Instagram on the post about this article @annabelladaily or @dailyjunglekids. 

x Annabella