How to Tell If Your Kid Will Succeed?

On a trip to Switzerland, a Danish ski instructor revealed she can tell how kids succeed in their lessons, based on parenting styles. What's yours and would you change it?

Mar 27, 2025

“Which countries have the most skilled skier kids?,” my husband and I asked our Danish ski instructor—let’s call her Ella—who was guiding us on a day ski tour from Switzerland to Italy and back—after seeing a few little ones whooshing by like pros.

For the week before, she had been teaching our oldest boys who are 11 and 9, and frequently instructs kids around the world, as well as local ski teams, in Zermatt. We were both betting on Norway—the country that produces the most winter Olympic medalists in the world. The kids there must be on skis as soon as they are standing up! Clearly, we thought, success on skis would depend on early exposure and experience.

We were wrong.

She replied that she had actually never taught Norwegian kids, but she went on to explain that from what she had seen, kids’ success on the slopes is not so much about nationality, age or previous exposure: “It seems to be mostly about parenting style.”

Wow.

“Tell me more?” Hearing this analysis from a Nordic ski instructor felt like getting insights from an especially interesting view point.

“Well, if you have a ‘bubble’ kid, there’s very little I can do, no matter how hard I try.”

Bubble Kids

Bubble Kids = by “Bubble Kids” she meant kids that are really afraid to try new things, are scared of falling and hurting themselves and want to avoid that at all costs, and need constant handholding

As an example, Ella told us a story of a girl who had a private, learning-to-ski lesson with her. She was too afraid to get on the magic carpet (a conveyer belt on a beginner ski hill, that skiers can step into with their skis on and be carried up, to practice coming down a very short, gentle slope) because she thought she might fall.

Ella modeled and then tried to practice falling on the magic carpet with her, to help her get over the fear—to show her that even if it seemed scary, and even if she did fall, it wouldn’t be a big deal and she could just get right back up. The girl was still too afraid and needed her hand held to go up the magic carpet as well as when she tried to ski.

Her fear & the need for handholding stopped her from experiencing the “aha!” moments and small wins and the feeling “I got this!”.

Even though “bubble parenting” is not a solely US phenomenon, this reminds me of American toddler yoga classes I used to take with my youngest son Jonas, who’s now 4.5. Whenever the teacher set up an obstacle course with toddler stepping stones to practice balance, parents would rush to hold their kids’ hand throughout—even though this exercise was created for the tots to try it on their own.

I wanted to Jonas to try it by himself, just so that he could see what he could do, and practice mastering what he yet couldn’t. He wasn’t asking for help, and I wanted to give him a chance to build his confidence. If he tripped and fell on a yoga mat, it wouldn’t be a big deal. So, I stood back. And—get this—other parents would come and hold his hand, “ooh, let me help you!”.

The gesture was done in kind, but it messages kids that they need help when they don’t—or that they can’t succeed on their own, even when they can.

To help “bubble kids” build their resilience—those who do advance past the magic carpet and handholding—the Danish instructor said she pushes them to sort situations out for themselves first, before stepping in to help—so that they learn that they can do it. If you fall and your skis fly, she uses the Nordic tactic of “And up again!” with a smile—and encourages the kids to try to get up, collect their skis and put them back on by themselves. Of course, she’s always there should they really need help.

Ultimately, her goal is to teach kids not just technique, but resilience. The more you can learn to trust yourself to handle unexpected things, the safer, and more fun skiing will be.

Goals Kids

“Do you ever get kids whose parents want them to master tons of new skills during their ski holiday?” I asked Ella on the next chair lift ride.

“Oh yes! There are parents who send their kids with a list of everything they want to them to master before they leave.”

But, Ella explained, it’s not possible to, say, teach a child how to ski backwards or carve down a black piste (the hardest, steepest run), if they are still doing the pizza (coming down a gentle slope with their skis in the shape of a V, a beginner position).

“They are not there yet. You can’t rush it. You have to move at the pace of the child, and everyone learns at an individual pace.” The ski school she works with, keeps the kids’ groups small, at maximum four kids, because of this reason.

Individual pace supports kids in mastering new skills as soon as they are ready, so the learning is never too intense, or not challenging enough—both of which could make them want to quit.

And for parents especially it’s not always easy to tell when your kid needs to go slower and when they need a push. I myself noticed this when I unwittingly pushed my youngest son a bit too hard in learning to skate this past winter. Me, having been a figure skater, didn’t give him enough time to move at his own pace to get comfortable with the ice—his brothers had picked it up super fast and I assumed Jonas was the same. We had to give it a pause instead of doing more of it, and will try at a much slower pace next winter.

“And Up!” Kids

“And up!” is the most common Nordic parenting tactic with kids’ tumbles, but of course used elsewhere in the world as well. You can recognize an “and up!” kid instantly if you see them fall: unless they are truly badly injured, they don’t usually think about it too much, and they just get up and continue.

I once did an Instagram reel about how “And Up Again!” is used by parents in Nordic playgrounds, and how you can try it with your kids as well, and encountered a lot of criticism. Mainly, that it’s not validating the child’s feelings, or helping them when they are struggling. It’s important to note that if a kid is hurt, of course the parent will step in and help—if they are there (Nordic kids from age 7 onwards are very independent, as are Swiss and Dutch kids).

The point of this Nordic way of thinking is that a child might not instantly even know how they feel about what just happened, and therefore the parent won’t instantly react. You observe first, and most of the time, the kid will look at you for your reaction. If your reaction is neutral, and encouraging, “And Up Again!” your child might see that minor tumbles—or set-backs—happen in life all the time, and we can also just dust ourselves off and keep on going. Not every “ugh” comes with a big emotion. It can just be “ugh, ok let’s try again.”

There’s a right time and place for trying to figure out what the child is actually feeling and then validating it. Imagine if, on a ski slope, a ski instructor stopped every single time a child had a tumble or hesitated, to try to understand or discuss their feelings or help everyone get up all the time. They would never get down the hill—or into a flow.

You also can’t ski down a scary-looking hill if you think about it too much (I have tried, and yes I tumbled and ended up a sliding pretzel shape down the slope with skis flying). You can only get down if you quickly choose a different emotion or thought—that a ski instructor might call a tactic—1,2 turn, 1,2, turn…now I’m sliding…but I’m in control… now turn…1,2, turn…

What Emma was saying is that when she teaches “And Up Again!” kids, at their own pace, they are the ones who end up the best skiers. They end up mastering the most advanced skillsets with continued motivation and have the most fun.

I married into a ski family, so even if I knew the basics of downhill skiing as a Finn, I had to learn, as a grown up, how to ski big mountains. On my first time in the Alps, I signed myself for a bunch of lessons as I was simply terrified of the heights, the vastness, the steepness and the massive drops off the sides of many pistes—that you could easily fall down if you weren’t in control.

I got a Swedish ski instructor and every time I started questioning whether I could get down a piste, he just said “yes you can,” and just gave me a quick new mental script to get me out of my head and off we went. I basically leaned in to his tactic, because I also felt that it would be a bit embarrassing to call for the heli rescue on a red slope:-) With that, and learning technique and tactics, I was soon flying, and advancing to new levels as soon as it felt a bit too slow, up to level 5 out of 6. I fell in love with the slopes and became an “And Up Again!” grownup in skiing.

If you enjoyed these tips for more bandwidth, don’t forget to “like” this post!

Would you ever try the “Up Again!” tactic with your kids? Would you dare to try not holding hands or helping to let kids try something on their own first? Even if you want them to succeed badly, would you let them take their time?

How to Tell If Your Kid Will Succeed?

On a trip to Switzerland, a Danish ski instructor revealed she can tell how kids succeed in their lessons, based on parenting styles. What's yours and would you change it?

Bubble Kids

Goals Kids

“And Up!” Kids

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