Mental Bandwidth #3: Kids' Sports

Got sports kids and high hopes? If parents and kids don't burnout with travel sports, you can aim much higher than getting into a varsity team. Just look at Norway.

Jan 31, 2025

In Part 1 of Nordic Mom Hacks for Mental Bandwidth, I detailed how to lessen moms’ invisible work load when it comes to kids’ schools. In Part 2, I described how to teach your kids’ to manage their social life including scheduling their own playdates. And in this Part 3, I will dive into Nordic-inspired ways to handle kids’ competitive sports!

If you have kids in sports, I promise, this post will be a total game changer.

As you see in the poll results from Post 1 below, almost a quarter of you said that travel sports are taking a lot of your bandwidth (in addition to camps and other activities). I get it: two of my three boys are partaking in competitive sports and it can easily take over your, and their lives. But there’s another way: the Nordic way. A way to support kids’ talents and desires—and even turn them into a super star—while also safeguarding your bandwidth. Ready to know how?

While all Nordic countries are somewhat similar in their approach, Norway is clearly winning in this regard—it’s a country that has earned the highest number of medals in winter Olympics—and it has a completely unique way to run youth sports. Kids’ practices and games are playfully skills-focused and centered on fun, and there are no scores or winners and losers until after they turn 12.

While we are not able to turn the American $15-30 billion parent-bankrolled youth sports on their head, and go all Norwegian, we can control how we choose to approach them and how our kids will participate—and do that Nordic style.

The Norwegian philosophy is to encourage kids to try multiple sports and keep doing everything they have fun doing. The idea is that when you keep most of the kids in sports (93% of the kids do sports!) and they don’t give up because it’s so fun, you will end up with numerous star athletes while keeping kids happy, healthy and active.

1. Change Focus From Winning to Fun

When kids have games or tournaments, most parents try their hardest to help their kids win (ever heard the parents’ screaming and yelling on the sidelines, so loud that it sometimes even drowns out what the coach is trying to say?). Most also focus on the result: who or which team is the winner; who is the loser. A Nordic-inspired way would be to not track the score, trust the coach, and, when it’s appropriate, yell something encouraging and neural, like “go Miles!”

When the game is done—or you see your child after the game—don’t ask about who won, but try this instead: “How much fun did you have on a scale 1-10?” If it wasn’t a 10, ask, what would have made it even more fun for you?

This gives you a whole another window into how your kid likes the sport.

2. Aim for The Right Team for the Right Reasons

If your kids enjoy being very competitive with a sport, they will likely thrive in a travel team with likeminded kids instead of in the more leisurely rec team—even though this is not the Nordic spirit and kids in Norway at least would never be divided into ambitious high achievers at elementary age.

I learnt this when my son asked if we could try join the more competitive group when he was 7, because he wanted to “play harder”. He found the rec team “boring”. He thrived in the town travel team he got into, but when he turned 8, I learned about yet another level. There was suddenly an exodus from the town travel team to the much more expensive, and reportedly more intense club teams—much further away.

The American in me almost scheduled the try-outs just like the other parents; the Nordic in me said no. Why? I looked back into how Norway develops athletes.

I loved how his town coach focused on the fun, how easy it was for us to get to practices and games, and how his teammates lived close—ideal situation for soccer playdates—and how much playtime he got during the games (almost all the time). This is what would turn him into a better athlete in the long run, and this is also what would allow me and my husband to support him in his pursuit, not the more “intense” team with all its hassles and large teams.

So, no matter what decision you will make, don’t just look at what step “feeds” your child into top high school or college sport teams. Think much bigger picture, Norwegian style. They don’t aim for varsity, they aim for the Olympics.

3. Retain Your Parents’ Rights.

Sports and activities can be a big time drain on parents anywhere, but we can actually choose how much bandwidth we allow them to take.

Once in Finland, one mom told me that she feels constantly overwhelmed. This was rare, and very atypical in Finland! I asked: “why?”. She told me it was all the kids’ sports and activities every day. Interestingly, she wasn’t a native Finn, and she felt she should be spending all of her free time encouraging her children to succeed in multiple after-school pursuits. But it was also exhausting her.

That same week, I messaged another mom to see if her son was going to a further-away soccer practice, so we could share the task of dropping them off and picking them up. She texted back: “no, I’m tired; I’m just going to chill at home this evening.” What?

She was, of course, a native Finn. In the US, it had never occurred to me that I could skip taking my kids to a practice if I was tired! With ever-increasing competitiveness in kids’ travel sports—opting for a slower evening when needed seems like a really wild choice. But choice it is.

4. Increase Independence to Make it a Team Sport

It is also a choice how much responsibility we as moms take on when it comes to our kids’s sports.

Another Finnish mom friend had her two sons, who dream of making it to the NHL, in a highly competitive hockey team. Finns take hockey very seriously. This required a lot of driving to different ice rinks, managing ever-changing schedules and a massive amount of gear.

“How on earth do you manage it?!” I asked. She told me the boys were in charge of keeping up with their own schedule, independently getting ready on time without reminders, and handling and packing all of their own gear. The younger son was 8 years old. She had brought the spirit of hockey home: it was a team sport. And she was able to support her sons without exhausting herself.

Whatever sports your kids do regularly, teach them how to prepare before each practice and game, and what to do when you return home: it is part of the sport.

Create an equipment and/or prep list, and tape it wherever it is most useful. Picture lists are great even with older kids.
Set time for your child to get everything ready the night before: start by doing it together, then just check it together, and then… just let them do it
Create a routine for your kid to sort the equipment bag and clothes post practice (eg. dirty gear to the hamper) and get it as ready as it can be

What if your child doesn’t take on the responsibility, despite all of your efforts teaching the skills? There are two options.

Your child might not enjoy the sport enough to be motivated to handle all parts of the sport. Maybe it’s time to try another sport? Or is the schedule too tiring?
Natural consequences.

We quit the sports that they didn’t ever get motivated to prep for (hockey), and continues the ones where natural consequences worked (golf, soccer) and now both boys, not always but often, pack their gear before leaving the house. I still use cues like: “Do you have everything you need? Check it and then I’ll start driving.”

5. Avoid Burnout with Free Evenings

Free evenings are critical for both kids and parents: no one should have something scheduled every single weeknight—or every single weekend day.

One organized, competitive sport per season is enough, especially if you have more than one kid: that’s already 3-4 events per week. If you add second sport, you are at 6-8 events per week, per kid! You can can add more, if your kid truly asks for them and you have the bandwidth; you can swap sports with the seasons.
Having a few free evenings a week is important; nothing is more fun and relaxing for kids than getting together with friends and doing the sports they love together, just for fun! Not every activity or sport practice has to be organized or guided. Free play sports and active play are also a fantastic way to develop as an athlete.