Radical or Just Right? What I Discovered About Nordic Daycare & Playgrounds

And how did my "American kids" survive the first six weeks?

Sep 16, 2022

Hey there, mama! Thank you for coming along this journey with me! After you read the post, don’t forget to click the “heart” icon at the bottom :-) And consider sharing this with a mom friend, or on your social. I think we all periodically think about our lives, and reconsider what makes our lives full. How can we make the motherhood load a bit lighter, so that we can be more of who we are meant to be, and show up for our kids in the way we really want to. I’m curious to hear what YOU think of these discoveries: too wild or just right? And take what serves you, and skip the rest!

Trying to Tame Wild Kids in America

I should start by telling you that, when we lived in New York City, playgrounds were always a sort of a nightmare experience for me. Playgrounds were built differently, without considering risky play, and the ground is always made of concrete. There can be several entrances, and the gates are often left open. I would dress my (then) two boys into the same, brightly colored outfits, to make it easier for me to keep track of them. And I turned into a trapeze artist trying to catch them before they hit the concrete after they climbed on top of everything to inevitably also fall. And I hoped to turn invisible as they creatively used playground equipment not in a way that they were meant to - or expected to. Simultaneously, I’d see others parents’ shocking looks and hear their gasps at my wild kids, and even hear them correct the kids - as I was trying to tame them into the NYC playground etiquette.

Winter Means Indoor Play

I stopped taking them to playgrounds all together, which was not a total loss however: outdoor playgrounds all got closed and locked up for all of winter. I opted for parks with lots of space to run around, instead - which also meant for giving up meeting other parent friends at playgrounds. In winters, they were also indoors. One of the most frequently asked questions between moms and au pairs and nannies (in the places where we lived in the US, nanny or au pair tends to always be the preferable option to daycare - which there are very few, which are also very expensive and where the standards are extremely variable), is: “what are you going to do with the kid(s) now that it’s too cold/rainy to go outside?” To let them know, I posted videos of how my baby naps outside, how we sometimes rolled in bathing suits in the snow, how we went ice swimming and what we did in a snowstorm, for some surprised amusement.

Narrate Your Baby’s Life as if Their Brain Depends on It

In our most recent hometown in Connecticut, I came across another rather funny challenge for me: I noticed moms narrating what their toddlers were doing, as they were following them around. (It probably happened in NYC too, but it the city sounds were so loud, I likely never heard it!). It also happened on playdates. I started to think I was a bit odd and probably seemed distant and cold, just observing my kid, so I tried it: “yes! you have a red shovel, and you are putting sand in your yellow bucket!” I could see the point in it, for sure - American moms are encouraged to “narrate the day” as much as possible for language development, but it felt like I was just trying to mom too hard. I still kept trying, but I wondered: could I just observe my kid and let him play?

So, what happened when we got to Scandinavia?!

I just really couldn’t believe it until I saw it, but what I remembered from growing up in Finland was actually true. Kids run wild on playgrounds (which I noticed are build with softer surfaces and - my mom pointed out - strict safety standards as risky play is encouraged), get super dirty, go out in all weather, jump in muddy puddles, throw sand around in sandboxes, and moms - and dads (!) - don’t intervene much and just sort of hand around or chat with each other. Like, it looked like they were sort of relaxing?!?

Adopting the Scandinavian Playground Etiquette

First, I noticed I could stop saying “be careful!!!” (mega win for me!). Everyone else was going wild too.
Second, I noticed how odd I now sounder here, as I kept narrating what Jonas - my toddler - was doing. No one else was narrating what their kid was doing. So I stopped. (Kind of relaxing, I gotta admit!)
Third, I didn’t need to intervene as much: sand was expected to fly around, and kids were expected to manage their own play.

The Sandbox Incident

It was one of my first days here, and Jonas was playing in the sandbox - a standard at every Finnish playground. While shoveling, he - not purposefully - threw sand at a little girl playing behind him. I immediately sprang to action.

Asking permission from the mom to touch her daughter’s shoulder to dust off the sand, I started apologizing for Jonas and guiding him, teaching him to look around to make sure he didn’t throw sand at anyone else.

The other mom was bemused at my futile effort: sand flying around in the sandbox is what happens when toddlers play in the sandbox. No big deal. No reason to react to it. The girl hadn’t flinched and just kept on playing. “Oh we have been hit with sand many times, and she has definitely thrown her share of sand around.” And that was that. And then we both sat on the side of the sandbox and let the tots play.

Daycare Begins on the Playground - Rain or Shine or Snow

This week brought pouring rain, and dropping Jonas at 8:30am to the gloomy, muddy daycare playground covered in massive puddles, and being showered on with pouring rain, felt - well just totally crazy. Especially because I knew they would stay there at least two hours. Decked in rain pants, rain jacket, rain hat, rain gloves, and rain boots, and a fleece one-piece suit underneath, to keep him warm and dry, and I gave him a hug and put him down. And the separation moment had never been easier,

BECAUSE OF THIS.

All-weather play is considered magical for learning & development - and fun. My older sons complained that the bike ride to school was too quick: they wanted to keep biking through puddles.

Maybe we don’t have to mom so hard & tame the kids so much

Maybe there’s something to this Nordic lifestyle with kids. Maybe we don’t have to mom so hard & tame the kids so much. And maybe sometimes the best thing for developing the brain is to get independently wild in mud, rain, slush and snow. And maybe sometimes the best thing for the mom brain is to relax a little. What do you think? Totally crazy or just right? (PS. Rules for commenting are the same as in my kids’ classroom at school! Use your (real) name, no bullies or trolls welcome, and keep it positive!)