How to Hygge as a Busy Parent?

Per studies, Americans moms don't think looking after kids is hygge. So how can we then add more hygge to our lives, when parenting has increasingly taken the center stage? Here's how.

This is a completely unique take on hygge, so if you have already heard about this Danish concept derived from a Norwegian word, often translated to “coziness”, get ready to leave behind all the preconceptions you have of hygge, to actually learn how to apply it to your busy parenting life, no matter where you live!

So, all Nordic countries have a slightly different version of it, but the Danish “hygge” is definitely the most famous. Hygge could be generalized as a feeling of warmth, safety and contentment, but it has different nuances and contexts in all the different Nordic countries.

For our purposes, just like I talk about Nordic-inspired parenting (if we are not in the Nordics, we can’t do it parenting exactly Nordic style and have to adapt it to wherever we are), when I talk about hygge here, it will be hygge-inspired. As hygge is really a feeling, we can all create our own unique kind of hygge, and I’ll simply give you a few through-starters to get you there.

Ultimately, to feel hygge, we want to create or go to spaces that feel beautiful, comfortable and safe— physically, emotionally and spiritually—where we can enjoy the moment no matter what's happening elsewhere in our lives. In fact, it can be pretty easy to feel hygge. Even just lighting a candle helps.

What’s interesting is that per the study featured in The Little Book of Hygge by the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, “looking after kids” is very low on the list of what makes women actually happy (Princeton study of 909 women in Texas, in 2004). It was exercising, socializing and dinner that brings way more happiness.

So, even though, if you google ”hygge for moms” you might see lists of numerous hygge things to do with your kids, primarily baking—it’s okay to know that sometimes trying to hygge with your kids might not bring on any hygge feels for you.

For example, for me, while I occasionally (delusionally?) attempt it, baking with my three boys is intensely stressful, massively mess making, and because I can’t hold my train of throught and properly execute the recipe in the absolute mayhem, rough and tumbling and non-stop noises happening around me during the baking attempt, the results also never turn out the way we had intended. Alas, baking with my boys all together might sound hygge, but is anything but. I would, however, need hygge to recover from it. You get the point.

So, I think we can take that study in The Little Book of Hygge as a revelation that, especially as busy parents, we should also create hygge moments for ourselves that might not include our kids. And, when we want to hygge with our kids, we can and should choose what works for our family.

Now, I’ll give you some hygge basics, from which you can create your own hygge moments.

1.Hygge Home

Hygge home is all about low-level lighting and soft, natural textiles with a minimalist approach to stuff—it’s not easy to hygge up if your home is not clutter free. The idea of a hygge space is that it makes it easier to have those hygge feels.

So, first, do one weekend of de-cluttering (whatever you are not actively using, let it go and drop it off at the nearest recycling center; many towns have their own), and then bring out the blankets and candles—and any other real fire you can get.

I have recently learned from my social audience that many (most?) Americans find the idea of having real, burning candles all over the house a fire hazard, even without young kids running around. If that stresses you out, it’s not hygge, so then opt for electric candles (but of course, it’s not as hygge as the real ones). Nordics don’t tend to worry about flames as much, rather, you tend to teach your kids how to act around candles, and even how to light them and how to blow them out or how to use a candle snuffer or extinguisher. Once my rambunctious boys were closer to 4 years old, I started lighting real candles—all over the house, every morning upon waking, and every evening around sunset. Why? Because it’s incredibly beautiful and instantly warms up the mood.

While you light up the candles, you want to avoid overhead lighting at all costs including in the kids’ rooms, and have table and floor lamps to create soft light areas around the house; mini daylight lamps are great for homework.

And, add warm, fuzzy blankets or heavy linen or organic cotton throws on chairs, beds, and sofas, so you can always take a hygge moment: whenever you have a second to sit down, throw a blanket on top, and it’s so much more hygge. For example, my most regular hygge moment of the day is probably the moment when I (having gotten to sleep early enough) get up before sunrise, and meditate with my hot coffee in a beautiful cup under blankets in candlelight, as the sole person who’s awake, listening as the birds start chirping and watching as the trees slowly get brighter and brighter.

2.Hygge Social Life

There’s really nothing more hygge than having a really cozy social time with your friends, someplace that’s hygge, without anyone taking on too much responsibility for hosting everyone because that’s too much work, and not hygge. Remember when seeing friends was easier and you did it a lot more? With a hygge social life, we want to bring some of that back, in whatever ways we can.

In an ideal hygge gathering, you would have a safe, trusting and insightful conversation—not small talk, but also nothing confrontational or polarizing—in a very hygge setting.

This is easier said that done outside the Nordics, but I had a revelation, when someone, here in the US, recently invited me to her house to talk about a potential project we could work on together, offered me coffee with hot oat milk, and guided us to her living room to sit on the floor, on a soft rug, by the coffee table. So hygge!

Essentially, we can achieve a hygge gathering, by simply just inviting someone to our home (there are very few truly hygge restaurants and cafes Stateside, though if you find one, try it, and mention it in the comments!), and lounging like we were family members. Incredibly hygge!

You can also make it extra hygge if you offer your guests oversize woolen or woolen-type socks to put on their own socks, to keep the feet extra warm. The most hygge!

The point is that it’s hygge to be social with your friends, even if you are a busy parent, and that the more you can carve out time to hygge with friends you can have great conversations with, and not just your kids, the happier you tend to be.

And, the hygge idea is not to make it too complicated with restaurant reservations and babysitters if those are complicated to make happen: we can also just invite people over, and even order in, have the kids play together or watch a movie, and just have a hygge time together.

3.Hygge Family

The answer to how to hygge with your kids is really doing whatever is the least stressful thing for all of you to do together, or also one on one. It’s also often something very simple, because simple is not stressful. You get the idea?

And, it doesn’t need to be a “kid thing” unless it’s something you also enjoy. It needs to also bring happiness to you, not just your kids. It needs to be hygge for everyone. You also don’t need to do anything to have it be hygge; you can just be hygge, as well.

For me, it’s all my boys snuggling with me in bed at bedtime, and reading books, with the fireplace on and candles in the room. Ah so hygge! Or doing something fun and active together outdoors when it rains or snows and we are all bundled up with the right gear and protected from the weather. Or kayaking together at sunset in this fall foliage in cozy fleece and waterproof pants. My favorite kind of hygge.

As for how to hygge with my husband, it’s stealing a moment in the middle of a Sunday, getting under said blankets on the sofa with woolen socks, and reading the newspaper, for that one moment it’s silent in the house, when the kids are on playdates or engaged in their own play.

Hygge is really those moments when everything feels right, just as it is, with no need to be anywhere else or want anything else. Hygge is happiness.

Would you try to hygge your home, social life or family time?

PS. Want to share this with parent friends who want more hygge this fall and winter, but are not sure how to do it? Tap the button below!

Scandi Glossary

HYGGE = NORDIC STYLE. Because the word hygge is impossible to a non-Nordic to pronounce, it’s tough to use in everyday, casual language. So, to simply things, I suggest you just use “Nordic style.” For example, “want to just do happy hour Nordic-style at my house, under blankets, on the sofa or by the fire pit?” Or, “Honey, I’m testing out a Nordic style morning, so that’s why I have candles everywhere. Don’t freak out, I taught the kids all about candles and I’ll extinguish them before I leave.” Just remember, however you choose to hygge, hygge feels warm, safe, simple, comfortable & harmonious. It looks serene, and enhances belonging and mattering.

Scandi Smart

READ: The Little Book of Hygge is an ideal holiday gift for youself or anyone you know who could use a little more hygge in their lives!

WATCH: If you want to dive deeper in understanding and applying hygge (and learning also about its dark side), watch Finding Hygge, at least the trailer! It’s really interesting.

SHOP: The easiest way to add extra hygge to your life is to get woolen indoor-only socks knitted by Nordic grandmas— socks that are meant to be bulky and oversize, not to be worn under shoes, but just over your regular socks to keep your feet extra warm and cozy (note to parents: I wouldn’t get these for little kids who might be running up and down staircases as they could be slippery—but that’s not a hygge activity anyway; these are for lounging!)

x Annabella Daily