Lessons from Norwegian Men About Parenting: "Don't Tame Them"

How I learnt the upside of wild kids in the land of Northmen, the Fjords, and the largest sovereign fund in the world.

Oct 25, 2022

Hi friends!

I’m so excited to have just been featured on On Substack, and hello to everyone new! What you’ll get each week are Nordic secrets to a life of more balance and bliss that you can apply no matter where you live.

If you are a global-minded mom (or dad! I see you new subscriber dads:-) who feels like your current lifestyle with kids and everything else is more “survive than thrive” and you wish there was another way to do things, I feel you: that was me too. Thanks for joining me on this adventure: let’s see the stars together. (And don’t forget to tap the heart-shaped like button at the end; it’s like saying “hi” back!)

I Might Have Viking DNA

The boys’ Finnish school had a fall break in the middle of October, and as is natural in the Nordics, kids are expected to take some time off to not study and to just run wild outside.

We took it up a notch and traveled to a remote part of western Norway known for its picturesque fjords, waterfalls and mountains. After all, the story goes that my maiden name comes from a Norwegian Viking, who moved to Finland and changed his name to start a new life over here. True or not, I love the story, so considering my boys and I might have Viking heritage, I had to see for myself how the current day Northmen rear their young!

Norwegians are very similar in their parenting ideals to other Nordic countries, so I didn’t expect to so inspired especially by the Norwegian men and their reactions to kids, but after just a week there, my husband and I were almost contemplating getting a Fjord house and settling in for good!

Now, consider sharing this post with your friends and social circle, especially with anyone who has active boys!

The Wilderness Life

I found a “hygge” or “koselig” (loosely translated to feeling cozy and finding joy in the little things) Alpine hut in the midst of The Sunnmøre Alps from Airbnb, and loosely planned a week of self-guided outdoor adventure, our own little glacier cruise with a local captain and his boat in the nearest Fjord, and a full-day glacier hike (which turned out to be more like alpine mountaineering!) with a wilderness guide from an off-the-beaten path guiding company.

We popped Jonas—who turned 2 on this trip—into a hiking carrier, and did daily mountain treks from the front door following waterfalls into as far up the mountain peaks as we could manage, and warmed up by the outdoor fire pit, gazing at the stars, after sunset.

We filled our water bottles from the streams gushing down the snow-topped Alps—best water I have ever tasted in my life— and the boys built bridges and huts in the “backyard”: alpine mountain terrain free for all.

We discovered a floating Fjord sauna: after heating up the wood-burning stove, we all (except Jonas! but he loved pouring the ice-cold freshwater on himself inside the sauna) jumped into the near-freezing waters for ultra-refreshing dips, staying a little longer in the Fjord each time.

As far has family vacations go, this was the best one we have ever had. Why? I guess because we all got to be pretty untamed.

Bringing Up Brave Kids

So what does this all have to do with Raising Modern (Good) Vikings?

Despite the Hollywood movies, history bloggers report, not all Vikings were combative raiders; some also peacefully searched and settled into new lands; they built the most advanced technologies and traveled further than anyone else of their time, and had more equal relationships with women than anyone else in that time (and even more equal than some places today).

Based on Viking sagas, the positive Viking qualities are fearlessness, curiosity, ambition, courage, and faith that your power comes from something grander than you, and that good always comes after hard things.

DISCLAIMER: I obviously would never commend the savage things that Vikings—or any other group for that matter—have done or do. I’m also not a historian and I’m using the reference to Vikings as a tongue-in-cheek way to describe some of the positive, brave qualities that Norwegians respect and foster in kids.

Based on our experience in Norway, it seemed that the locals had taken those qualities to heart when it came to raising the young. And to foster these ideals, the kids seem to be given the space to live & learn through exploring, and the bar for decorum is set at a very different level for kids than grownups.

Etiquette & Decorum, the Norwegian Way

My (American) husband and I came to the conclusion that ultimately it was all about etiquette and decorum, and about qualities you most wanted to foster in your kids.

In many places around the world, being calm, focused, sitting still, academic achievement, and not roughhousing or running wildly or rough and tumbling, or doing big physical feats, is a virtue—and obviously way easier for the parents.

As a mother of three extremely active boys, I’ll be the first to say that big energy, loudness, nonstop motion and risky play can be exhausting. And exhausting not only because you need calm sometimes, but also because whenever you are in public—depending on where in the world you are—the decorum demands they should be calm to be appropriate.

But the way Norwegian men reacted to kids made me assess my own reactions to my boys.

Untamed

They react that way?

Hmmm…I would have reacted this way. .Why did I think that was the right way? Should I keep reacting this way, or try that that way? If I tried that way, would we all just be better off?

What I learned from my encounters with a restauranteur, a wilderness guide (ex Norway’s special forces), and a Fjord boat captain, is that Norwegians feel you should not always try to tame your kids or make them fit into your mold.

You don’t want to untame fearlessness, curiosity, ambition, courage, and physical abilities - and the faith that you can handle things on your own too—even if it looks like kids gone just totally wild.

You want to strike a balance between being hands-off, and letting them channel their energy and find their way, to hands-on to ensure no harm is done. And you keep the family close aka you do wild things together.

The Norwegian Mindset #1

Me to a restauranteur when in a cafe, trying to clean the table and the floor: “Excuse me, my kids made quite a mess… I’m so sorry.” Eyebrow lifts, confused:

“Why? This is NORMAL.”

She looked at me with ‘you expect something different?’ and ‘go on with your day now’.

The Norwegian Mindset #2

Me to a boat captain on a boat, hearing my boys rough and tumble (a small, private boat, not a tourist cruise): “Excuse me, my kids are very active; they won’t sit down for this. I’m so sorry!” Eyebrow lifts, confused:

“That? That’s nothing. I got ten nephews. Your boys are the calmest I have ever seen.” There’s no way that that can be true, but he insists it is.

I’m relieved as I had almost started to look around for an ice block which we could put the boys on, on which they could drift to the shore (joking obviously, but of course it would be easier if they just calmly sat down and looked at the view.)

“Kids should be wild. That’s normal for kids. The boys are just normal.”

As long as there’s no harm done, it’s all OK.

Ok! I step back outside on the deck and bliss out on the view.

The Norwegian Mindset #3

Me, at the start of our 7.5-hour trek to a glacier—alpine mountaineering really—shouting at the big boys to follow our to a wilderness guide or else, and to be careful as they fearlessly and enthusiastically scale even at the most treacherous areas.

“Your kids are actually very skilled, I’m super impressed by your family and the kids,”

says our wilderness guide, who is no novice: he served years in Norway’s fierce special forces doing numerous under cover missions with the US forces in some of the most dangerous places in the world and trained for years to become a wilderness guide.

”This is what I want to do with my kids too,” the soon-to-become dad adds, and admits he is addicted to trekking on mountains “to see what I can conquer.”
“I’m really so impressed by your boys. This is an extremely hard, advanced hike even for adults, and your kids have never not once complained or gotten tired. They just keep going, and are so curious.”

Starting our descent from the glacier after five hours of climbing up, my husband asked the guide to keep the crampon ice grippers on the boys’ hiking shoes, for stability, and was wondering how dangerous it in fact would be for them to get down (the final part of the trek was a very steep climb and descent over ice and snow covered rocks; I have to admit, I was slightly worried for myself as my legs started shaking a bit, thinking I had overestimated my own physical fitness level which I had considered high!).

“We tend to underestimate kids,” the guide said. “Kids aren’t usually the ones who get hurt. Don’t worry about them; just let them find their way.”

Ps. Our guide from Raein was incredible and helped carry Jonas through challenging areas: he was literally like a mountain goat when we tried to maintain our balance. Couldn’t recommend Raein enough for your Norway adventures.

Letting Kids “Conquer New Lands”

Back down in our car, with just one knee scrape on a kid, and one knee bruise on me later, heading to the ferry to take us across a Fjord to our mountain hut, I looked at the boys in the eyes, and told them how proud they should be of themselves: their strength, courage, risk-taking and perseverance and their faith in that they could do this.

“You are 7 and 8 years old and you did a 7.5 hour alpine trek few adults would ever do. You have shown yourself there’s absolutely nothing you can not do. That’s your (good) Viking DNA. Never forget that!”

Brave Family

Another one from the Norway playbook of parenting: awaken the “wild" in the whole family and see what you are all capable of: find a way to channel the rambunctious energies together into experiences you’ll never, ever forget.

Back in our Alpine hut, we spent the last few days of our trip “slow living”, with no phones or computers (albeit the one movie a night for the kids so we could catch our breath), just being wild outside during the day chasing mountain waterfalls, making fires and gazing at the stars at night, and testing out a different way to live.

And every single one of us wants do this again. And go conquer a new mountain. In some way, we can take a bit of this mindset, and start right now, no matter where we are: when there’s no harm done, just stay a little wild and set your sights to the next peek.

I’m so curious how this can be applied in different locations, cities, states and countries; before you hop off, tap below and say where you are from! (Commenting rules: I’ll banish all bullies or trolls like a Viking Queen:-)