Nap in the Cold & Bedshare at Night?

Exhausted by all the sleep training methods just as much as from the lack of sleep? The Nordic no-method method provides less stress, more flexibility & maybe, more shut-eye.

If every new mother had a genie in a bottle, they would all surely wish for the same thing: “get my baby to sleep.”

Therefore, it’s no surprise that sleep training babies has become an industry worth of hundreds of millions of dollars in the US. Yet, sometimes baby and toddler sleep is just something we cannot control—however much we would like to, so I really appreciate this question I got on Instagram.

I’ll be discussing not just Norwegian or Finnish baby sleep, but Nordic habits in general.

I had my first child a decade ago, and even though I have spent most of it sleep deprived, I can say: there is light at the end of the tunnel. Every kid will eventually start sleeping through the night.

I can also say that no matter what sleep training method you follow with a stopwatch, trying to desperately stick to all the impossible-seeming rules, that sometimes they just don’t work (I might have tried them all, with and without experts, in addition to reading potentially every book on the subject).

And I can also say that even when a sleep training method does work, it doesn’t always work for long—anything from a quick trip to teething can shatter everything you worked so hard for—and turn you back into a zonked-out mom faster than you can say “I have one wish left.”

Sometimes, sleep training again, and again, is simply more stress than it’s worth. What really matters is what type of child you get: some sleep better, some sleep worse—no matter what you do. And if nothing is working, or you are simply done trying yet another thing, or too tired to try anything all together, the “Nordic non-method method”—not officially a regimen, rather just common practices—can provide alternatives.

Not all, but many Nordic parents follow these practices because they require less effort, are more flexible and focus on doing whatever works: whatever is easiest and most enjoyable during the baby and toddler years and even beyond.

3 Steps to Scandi Sleep

Sleep training my first two children was so stressful that I might have developed PTSD from it (joking, but only slightly.) With my third child, I decided not to stress myself out —rather, I wanted to enjoy my first year with him more. I ended up throwing all the baby and toddler sleep methods out the window, and followed the three most common age-old Nordic practices instead.

Before penning this newsletter, I however wanted to confirm they were still popular, so I turned to my social community to specifically ask my fellow Finns how they approached baby and toddler sleep. I knew what the answers would be—it’s what my mother had kept telling me to do, all along—but I was still surprised that all of the initial responses from Finnish mothers were pretty much all the same.

I also found a fascinating study about Norwegian baby sleep in Science Direct (linked in “read this” section at the bottom of the newsletter) that confirmed how popular these habits are in Norway as well. Based on my knowledge, these practices also extend to all the Nordic countries. So how do Scandis do naps and nights & help babies fall asleep?

1. Naps

To do baby naps Scandi style, do whatever is easiest and most enjoyable for you and your baby. It can change nap by nap, day by day. When your baby is tired, help him fall asleep in whatever way works: breastfeeding, snuggling, in a carrier, in a crib or bassinet—or, try the famous Scandinavian outdoor stroller nap.

Many Nordic babies nap outside in a stroller. I was finally able to experience what a game changer it was after we moved from a NYC apartment without an outdoor space to a house with an enclosed yard, and my third, and youngest child started napping outdoors from his first week.

While not for all, outdoor naps work for most babies: cozy in a stroller, babies fall asleep quickly, without much effort, sleep longer and wake up happier. I loved it so much, I created a video on it (linked in “watch now” section): it’s now been watched nearly half a million times, with nearly thousand saves and two thousand shares. Many American viewers were concerned that leaving babies in a stroller outdoors (even in your own yard) was not safe, or that outdoor stroller naps were illegal (and child services would come take your baby), or that they were against safe baby sleep practices.

While only you can decide what’s a safe place for your child (for example, stroller on a balcony, or in a bathroom with all windows open so the temperatures drop to whatever it’s on the outside, granted it’s colder), I can assure you that stroller naps are perfectly legal (yes, I called child services in CT to check) and, as long as you follow common-sense safe sleep practices, they are also perfectly safe (there has never been a SIDS case from stroller naps in the Nordics).

How to do the stroller outdoor nap? For babies who can’t sit up yet, always use a bassinet attachment on a sturdy stroller as well as a snug, soft footmuff. Bundle the baby up, appropriately for the weather, keeping in mind that the footmuff functions like a blanket. Place the baby onto the bassinet on their back. There shouldn’t be any room for your baby to move around in the stroller. You can walk the stroller or keep the stroller parked, swaying it slightly to get your baby to fall asleep, for a few minutes. Outdoor naps are recommended in temperatures warmer than 5 Fahrenheit (or -15C), and I personally would avoid them when it gets hotter than 75F (or around 25C) in the shade, and then dress the baby in a diaper only, with a very light summer footmuff. Do not use a car seat stroller for stroller naps, or a stroller that’s simply not comfortable for the baby, and change the bassinet attachment to a reclining seat as soon as the baby can sit up.

With their babies napping in a stroller, Nordic parents love to meet their friends for coffee or lunch: as long as the weather allows for an outdoor table, park your baby next to you, and enjoy this wonderful time for a little break.

Would you ever try or would you have wanted to try the outdoor nap with your child?

PS. These tips are meant for whenever you are with your child as everyone’s childcare situation is different.

2. Nights

At nighttime, Nordic parents don’t want to get up from their bed. They don’t want to fully wake up to feed their baby, or to soothe their baby back to sleep. They certainly don’t want to drop their baby, as they feel they might, should they fall asleep exhausted on a nursing chair recliner(which is not really even a thing in the Nordics). So, what do they do? They keep the baby in their own bed—basically, until the child starts sleeping through the night and is ready to start sleeping in their own bed. Some families share beds even with young elementary-age kids, based on whatever is easiest and whatever works.

In the Nordics, teaching parents how to bed share safely is part of the safe baby sleep guidelines (link to American professor’s safe bed sharing guidelines at the end).

For Nordic parents who want to teach their child to sleep in the crib (in the Nordics, any type of training is not recommended until the baby is at least 6 months of age), the most popular method might be patting the baby—who’s old enough to sleep on their stomach—on their bum, whenever they wake up & cry, to soothe them back to sleep.

Nordic crib-sleep guidelines also allow for a soft blanket, as long as it doesn’t cover the child’s face and arms, and a lovey, to make the sleep environment cozier, as swaddling is not common.

And, with babies who are sleeping in their own, Nordic parents change cribs to big girl and big boy beds as soon as the baby can climb out of the crib, and then often allow the child to wander back into their parents’ bed—if they wake up in the middle of the night. This means the parents don’t need to get up.

In addition, Nordics don’t follow a rule that during these early years without children, both parents always need to sleep in the same bed, in the same room. One might bed share or co-sleep with a baby in another room, for example, and then they might swap. All of this flexibility gives you ease and options.

Would you ever try these?

3. Falling Asleep Independently

Getting a baby or toddler to fall asleep “drowsy but awake” is pretty much a mission impossible, so many Nordics don’t ever even attempt it: why make life so hard?

One of the benefits of feeding or snuggling a baby or toddler to sleep is that you don’t need to worry about how the baby or toddler will fall asleep, as this way, as long as they are tired, they usually always do—quickly. With my third child, I either just nursed, or snuggled him to sleep (and the snuggling tactic is shared by my husband, when he’s on duty, and our au pair, when we were are out).

By following the Nordic no-method method, there’s also an additional advantage: snuggling your baby or toddler to sleep is really nice. Total hit of endorphins. Calming. Soothing. Stress-relieving. And when I have a hard time falling asleep, nothing works better than listening your child breath deeply right in front of your face.

It also gives you a lot of flexibility. The only thing your child will really need, is a person they love, to fall asleep, anywhere you are.

And, when your child is deep asleep, it’s easy to transfer him to another sleeping placement if you prefer. Would you try these?

One reason sleep training methods have blossomed in the US is the lack of parental leave and the need and desire to control our child’s sleep and schedule. In general in the US, babies are expected to self-soothe and sleep independently, but older kids are not necessarily taught to be independent, or to handle their own feelings. Nordics emphasize dependence first, and then push for a lot of independence as children develop.

No matter the cultural differences, there’s no one size fits all. However, sometimes though not always “anti-sleep-training” especially with more temperamental or higher needs children can lead to less parental wake-ups and more sleep. Every child, parent and situation is unique; follow your instincts to decide what’s right for you and your child.

PS. To share this with your parent friends, or on your social, tap the button above:

Ready for more Nordic-inspired parenting ideas?

Scandi Glossary

FAMILY BED = often the parents’ bed, the largest bed in the house, where both parents and kids can fall asleep and/or sleep once in a while or all the time. For infants, the family bed and whoever sleeps in it must meet safe bed-sharing guidelines. It’s basically a bed for flexible family sleeping arrangements. Family bed is suitable only if it works well for all those sleeping in the bed.

Scandi Smart

READ: Study on Norwegian baby sleep “Napping Alone in the Snow & Cuddling Mommy at Night” & American writer’s journey, in ‘22, into both sleep training methods and the “anti-sleep training rabbit hole”.

WATCH: Interview with Professor James J. McKenna’s Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory studies. (Interestingly, my mother taught be how to safely “breastsleep” with my first newborn the exact same way McKenna describes it in this video). And, my Instagram video about outdoor stroller naps.

annabelladaily

A post shared by @annabelladaily

SHOP: If you have been thinking about getting kids’ swimwear or UPF clothing for August vacations, or starting back-to-school clothing shopping, my favorite Finnish kids’ brand Reima has a big sale!

SHOUT-OUT to one British “gentle sleep trainer” in NYC, who I actually befriended first on Instagram, and then in real life, who gave me tips on how to try to achieve longer hours of night sleep & gently coax a young toddler to sleep in his crib. It takes a lot of resolve, and eventually mine would wane, and for ease, I ended up bed sharing a lot. Now, at almost four years old, he sleeps most nights in his own bed, but on the nights he wakes up, he sneaks into our bed, often without waking us up, and tucks himself in between us.

x Annabella Daily