Mental Bandwidth #1: Schools, Homework, Volunteering & Donating

Feeling like you can't hear your thoughts, anxious, forgetful or overwhelmed? Instead of hoarding mom to-dos & goals for better 2025, declutter mentally like a Nordic.

In the US, moms tend to be so mentally maxed out that we simply think it’s normal—I used to think that too, as you know, it’s #momlife.

While I didn’t like it, I thought functioning like an overfull hard drive was typical, and “no, I can’t remember that—my memory disappeared after I had kids,” became my running joke.

Then, to my shock, after I moved my family to the Nordics for a semester, within weeks it was like clouds parted in my head. Every time I worried about something I thought I was supposed to worry about, I was told I didn’t need to.

For example, I hadn’t thought to inform my boys’ Finnish school or daycare about their dietary restrictions, so I suggested that I’ll just pack lunch for them. “No, you can’t bring your own lunch and we’ll sort it out,” I was told.

When my boys got a little too wild on a field trip, not being accustomed to the responsibility that is expected of young Finnish children who also get incredible freedom, I got a call from the their teacher. I immediately offered to join the next one, to help out. “No, I’ll handle it as their teacher, but this was just good to know so I’ll prepare them better.”

And, as I texted another parent, trying to schedule my sons’ a playdate, she basically said, “my son plans his own playdates,” hinting that our children could figure this out on their own at school.

Wow.

After a semester of this, when I got back to the US, the amount of #momgoals and #momchats and #momchores hit me like a wall of bricks. Trying to make my world more Nordic, I got myself cut off from one mom chat for school volunteering, when, after suggesting that we include dads in it too, I was told by many moms that “my husband wouldn’t have time and bandwidth for this”—to which I replied, perhaps too sharply: “well, I don’t have bandwidth either.”

I learned that it’s hard to change the culture, but that we can start viewing all of our own mom tasks as choices in the context of our overall priorities and values—should we want more of that priceless mom bandwidth.

Just like minimalist, streamlined Scandinavian design, Nordic motherhood is based on an uncluttered mind, which can lead to more contentment, better productivity, increased creativity & being less distracted in our relationships.

So, here are Nordic-inspired thought-starters of how you too can free up bandwidth when it comes to kids’ school, activities and social life.

If you answers yes to any of the above, keep on reading. This “Part 1” will dive into the part-time job that’s keeping up with kids’ (American) schools. The following newsletter will explore how we increase our bandwidth by doing less when it comes to kids’ sports and activities, including competitive ones, and kids’ social life and play.

1. School Tasks

Unlike in the US, parents don’t participate in school activities in the Nordics, except for holiday events, and occasionally for a field trip. In the US, it is wonderful that parents who do want to participate frequently can do so from orchestrating class celebrations to running the PTA. However, it’s a lot of work, especially in addition to keeping up with the umpteenth emails moms get from multiple parties within one school. So what can you do? Choose and outsource.

• Drop all school emails to a folder, and read through the emails that seem most important to you. If you have a middle schooler or older, your child can read them to keep up with what’s happening in their school including special days and events, and tell you the dates so you can add them to the calendar. In Finland, I’ll never forget when I heard an 8-year-old girl remind her dad of one special occasion, and what she needed to bring to school—and she told her dad she had even packed what was needed for the next week’s event in advance into her backpack.

• Even though parents get reminders of them, you do not need to be the one who remembers pajama day or spirit day: your child is capable. If it’s not that important to them, they might not remember—if it is, they will remember the next time around. After I stopped reminding them (I literally ran out of time to keep up with it all), my boys magically started remembering all the school events including their early morning orchestra practices—all on their own.

• Participate in one thing at school each year, when there’s an opportunity to provide expertise where you can really make an impact. That’s enough. I recently showed my youngest son’s class how to dress for all different kinds of weather and how waterproof and water resistant fabrics work to allow for play even in the rain.

• Donate to one school thing a year. That’s enough. And instead of spending time wondering what “donate what you wish!” actually means, ask for specific dollar amount for “low on cash/ flush with cash” options & a Venmo account where you can send it.

• Share tasks with your partner. Especially if you have kids going to different schools, simply tell your partner it’s too much, and divide equally (in this situation I think equal is the same as fair): one person handles one school, the other handles the other. Many dads tend to be shocked when they realize the amount of time and coordination goes into keeping up with all things school.

• As a Nordic teacher would say, homework is an exercise in independence. You do not need to supervise or check it, unless there’s a special situation that demands that. Natural consequences tend to work better—and after a long school day sitting still indoors, there’s times when running free outside might even trump homework.

• If all of this frees up mental bandwidth for you, how would you use it? As for me, I finally felt I had the capacity to homeschool my kids (after school, a few times a week) in Finnish, following an online curriculum, and to read more books to them, and to create new hygge spaces in our home—including setting up our outdoor patio with new firepit, sofas and chairs with faux fur blankets and planters filled with creative winter greens. I might even spruce up my own social life (instead of just my kids) and start hosting more Nordic-style happy hours outside where moms and kids can come over:-)

Would you try these Nordic-inspired ways to add mental bandwidth into your life? Part 2 dropping in your inbox in two weeks!

PS. Share this with friends who might feel overwhelmed with motherhood!

Annabella Daily

You might also like my guide on kids’ independent morning routine & outdoor activity ideas from my holiday gift list: