Finland was just ranked the happiest country in the world for the 8th time, followed by all the Nordic countries & the Netherlands. So why would a Finn like me stay in the US, if I can have it better?
Great newsletter! I’m also a Finnish mom living in the US and I don’t see us moving to Finland but I would love to spend summers there as a family! I would love to know how you keep your kids Finnish alive while in the US, it’s a big struggle for me since there are no other Finnish families in our area and I’ve lived in the states for 10 years now.
Hi! So happy to hear from you:-) For language, I started Kulkurikoulu.fi this year - I homeschool them in Finnish after their regular school day. The best way to start is pay for the evaluation, so you can see what level your kids are.
My boys (4th and 5th graders) placed into the 2nd grade Finnish level, so they now study that as "S2" or "Finnish as a second language". It's an amazing program - a lot of work for the parent but really worth it. My 4 yr old is doing the "eskari" level which is free.
I also think that summer camps could be great (though check that they don't have a lot of English speaking kids or foreigners), but the best thing for us has been going to real Finnish school and daycare for periods of time. I withdraw them from the US school and then they do a month or so in a Finnish school, and then I register them back when we return.
Reading your newsletter describing everything you did to get to where you are and the overwhelm you were able to escape and support you found has fueled my own desire to find this for my own family. Also, thank you for sharing every step of your personal journey. Your drive and curiosity is something to behold! ❤️
Thank you! I think we so often - especially in the US - feel like we need to accept the anxiety and overwhelm and just hustle and make it work and "strap the baby to your chest and keep going" and this idea that "it's up to us" what kind of life we create and "our choice" and "just about the mindset". As a Nordic, I disagree with all that. Life circumstances change and also every kid and their needs are different. I think instead of just soldering on, we can say out loud, yes this is hard and yes I need way more support and yes I want to really enjoy my kids and yes, I want to also make space for my dreams and goals. But in the US the outside world hasn't change to accommodate mothers, whereas in the Nordics, the world is sort of made with family life in mind. I think no matter where we are from the Nordics to the US, we can demand that we are allowed to live without overwhelm:-)
My heart aches for the choices you have to make! I long for the lifestyle you speak of in the Nordics; raising a child in the lonely Seattle-area (even with friends and family "around"), has been so tough. I have so appreciated your perspective and the helpful tips about Nordic ways that can be used even here. I am in a cross-cultural marriage (my husband immigrated from Iran almost 10 years ago), and while we don't have the same challenges, I can understand to some extent this push-pull of desires. Sending you courage and strength on your journey!
Thank you! Isn't it interesting that when it comes to motherhood, there rarely are conversations about really thinking through where to have kids and what the day to day reality will be. Also cross-cultural marriages are wild because with kids, what one craves can change, and often you don't realize all the different perspectives and values and ideals until you are in the middle of it all. I think it can be more exciting as you are always learning and having to expand your perspectives, but it's also more work as you need to keep collaborating to find common ground and to understand each other. Sending you courage and strength too!
Yes, every country has some issues, and it's really hard to figure out how to prioritize things. You must be Finnish with your heritage though - do you have a Finnish citizenship?
I don't have citizenship, but my father was born in Oulu and my mother's parents were both Finnish. I've travelled there, but haven't spent nearly enough time. So many relatives! Once my husband retires, I'd love to spend a few months there, at least. I write historical fiction dealing with Finnish & Canadian historical events, so it would be lovely to go and research and write.
Have you ever looked into visa or citizenship? I just read this "You will automatically obtain Finnish citizenship if one of your parents is a Finnish citizen and your parents have married each other before you turned 18." But it might be just if you are 21 or younger, I'm not entirely sure. Anyhow, might be worth checking! IO would personally encourage you not to wait for your hubs' retirement! If you personally have flexibility, come for a few weeks or a month to write - I'm sure there are amazing writer's retreats here as well.
Crazy question — you didn’t add ‘weather’ in your decision making. I’m assuming the Nordics are cold, with longer periods of darkness? Would that be a negative for your family at all?
Great question, not crazy at all! In December, the "daylight" time is just a few hours long and it's pitch black by 3:15pm - the last November we stayed in Finland, we saw the sun only one time. Last weekend here it snowed briefly. It's not fun, and most people would prefer the sun and warmth but it makes the summer for example that much better. But I, for example, don't choose to come here just during summer months - I come here for the ease of life. The benefits of the Finnish lifestyle and options and freedoms for women and kids far outweigh the weather.
I see. That makes sense. Thank you for explaining. I have friends that moved their family to a much warmer climate, then after a few years realized there are more important things in life than temperature, so they moved back to a place with a cold climate!
That makes sense! But it can change - one of my youngest sisters had kids really young, so when they got into their teens, she moved with them (and her ex-husband!) together to Spain as they hated the cold. My mom also mostly now lives in Spain for that same reason. So, half of my family is not even in Finland, and none of them are in Helsinki where I grew up, but when you have young kids, it's dreamy so I come for that.
Thank you for such a clear explanation about why making the move would be so difficult for an American like your husband:
"Diving into the culture and all the non-verbal cues can take years, and making friends can be a challenge. And, unless you work remotely for a US company during US hours—mainly late at night—or create an instantly profitable company where it makes sense to be based in the Nordics— getting a job that matches your qualifications and pay expectations would likely be a pipe dream."
I dream of living abroad, if only for a few years while our kids are small, but understand why it's not appealing for my partner. In the meantime, we travel and I read everything I can about other ways to parent.
I’m so glad I found your newsletter. You are right we (cross cultural marriages/families) are a bit on our own when deciding how/where to raise our kiddos.
I’m French living in the US. They are good/bad things in both countries. Moving there for a quarter of the year is not an option for us—it would be too chaotic with the American school system.
But I do dream of sending my kids to France during their summer vacation, once they’re old enough. This way they get to immerse themselves in the language, the people, the history and the culture.
We’re all doing the best we can. Thanks for sharing!
Great newsletter here, the shockwaves are a hard reality check for mothers entering a liminal phase, a new stage, when all of culture is busy doing "something else".
It was our reason for moving countries.
Little ones are so absorbent in their early years.
We want a culture that could nourish us, and that we were happy to work and contribute to.
Great newsletter! I’m also a Finnish mom living in the US and I don’t see us moving to Finland but I would love to spend summers there as a family! I would love to know how you keep your kids Finnish alive while in the US, it’s a big struggle for me since there are no other Finnish families in our area and I’ve lived in the states for 10 years now.
Hi! So happy to hear from you:-) For language, I started Kulkurikoulu.fi this year - I homeschool them in Finnish after their regular school day. The best way to start is pay for the evaluation, so you can see what level your kids are.
My boys (4th and 5th graders) placed into the 2nd grade Finnish level, so they now study that as "S2" or "Finnish as a second language". It's an amazing program - a lot of work for the parent but really worth it. My 4 yr old is doing the "eskari" level which is free.
I also think that summer camps could be great (though check that they don't have a lot of English speaking kids or foreigners), but the best thing for us has been going to real Finnish school and daycare for periods of time. I withdraw them from the US school and then they do a month or so in a Finnish school, and then I register them back when we return.
Thank you! I’ve looked at Kulkurikoulu and definitely want to do it! My son just turned 4 so we could start this fall :)
Reading your newsletter describing everything you did to get to where you are and the overwhelm you were able to escape and support you found has fueled my own desire to find this for my own family. Also, thank you for sharing every step of your personal journey. Your drive and curiosity is something to behold! ❤️
Thank you! I think we so often - especially in the US - feel like we need to accept the anxiety and overwhelm and just hustle and make it work and "strap the baby to your chest and keep going" and this idea that "it's up to us" what kind of life we create and "our choice" and "just about the mindset". As a Nordic, I disagree with all that. Life circumstances change and also every kid and their needs are different. I think instead of just soldering on, we can say out loud, yes this is hard and yes I need way more support and yes I want to really enjoy my kids and yes, I want to also make space for my dreams and goals. But in the US the outside world hasn't change to accommodate mothers, whereas in the Nordics, the world is sort of made with family life in mind. I think no matter where we are from the Nordics to the US, we can demand that we are allowed to live without overwhelm:-)
My heart aches for the choices you have to make! I long for the lifestyle you speak of in the Nordics; raising a child in the lonely Seattle-area (even with friends and family "around"), has been so tough. I have so appreciated your perspective and the helpful tips about Nordic ways that can be used even here. I am in a cross-cultural marriage (my husband immigrated from Iran almost 10 years ago), and while we don't have the same challenges, I can understand to some extent this push-pull of desires. Sending you courage and strength on your journey!
Thank you! Isn't it interesting that when it comes to motherhood, there rarely are conversations about really thinking through where to have kids and what the day to day reality will be. Also cross-cultural marriages are wild because with kids, what one craves can change, and often you don't realize all the different perspectives and values and ideals until you are in the middle of it all. I think it can be more exciting as you are always learning and having to expand your perspectives, but it's also more work as you need to keep collaborating to find common ground and to understand each other. Sending you courage and strength too!
Thanks for sharing! I am Canadian, so our issues in this country are different, but I still dream of living in Finland some day. Kiitos!
Yes, every country has some issues, and it's really hard to figure out how to prioritize things. You must be Finnish with your heritage though - do you have a Finnish citizenship?
I don't have citizenship, but my father was born in Oulu and my mother's parents were both Finnish. I've travelled there, but haven't spent nearly enough time. So many relatives! Once my husband retires, I'd love to spend a few months there, at least. I write historical fiction dealing with Finnish & Canadian historical events, so it would be lovely to go and research and write.
Have you ever looked into visa or citizenship? I just read this "You will automatically obtain Finnish citizenship if one of your parents is a Finnish citizen and your parents have married each other before you turned 18." But it might be just if you are 21 or younger, I'm not entirely sure. Anyhow, might be worth checking! IO would personally encourage you not to wait for your hubs' retirement! If you personally have flexibility, come for a few weeks or a month to write - I'm sure there are amazing writer's retreats here as well.
Crazy question — you didn’t add ‘weather’ in your decision making. I’m assuming the Nordics are cold, with longer periods of darkness? Would that be a negative for your family at all?
Great question, not crazy at all! In December, the "daylight" time is just a few hours long and it's pitch black by 3:15pm - the last November we stayed in Finland, we saw the sun only one time. Last weekend here it snowed briefly. It's not fun, and most people would prefer the sun and warmth but it makes the summer for example that much better. But I, for example, don't choose to come here just during summer months - I come here for the ease of life. The benefits of the Finnish lifestyle and options and freedoms for women and kids far outweigh the weather.
I see. That makes sense. Thank you for explaining. I have friends that moved their family to a much warmer climate, then after a few years realized there are more important things in life than temperature, so they moved back to a place with a cold climate!
That makes sense! But it can change - one of my youngest sisters had kids really young, so when they got into their teens, she moved with them (and her ex-husband!) together to Spain as they hated the cold. My mom also mostly now lives in Spain for that same reason. So, half of my family is not even in Finland, and none of them are in Helsinki where I grew up, but when you have young kids, it's dreamy so I come for that.
Thank you for such a clear explanation about why making the move would be so difficult for an American like your husband:
"Diving into the culture and all the non-verbal cues can take years, and making friends can be a challenge. And, unless you work remotely for a US company during US hours—mainly late at night—or create an instantly profitable company where it makes sense to be based in the Nordics— getting a job that matches your qualifications and pay expectations would likely be a pipe dream."
I dream of living abroad, if only for a few years while our kids are small, but understand why it's not appealing for my partner. In the meantime, we travel and I read everything I can about other ways to parent.
I’m so glad I found your newsletter. You are right we (cross cultural marriages/families) are a bit on our own when deciding how/where to raise our kiddos.
I’m French living in the US. They are good/bad things in both countries. Moving there for a quarter of the year is not an option for us—it would be too chaotic with the American school system.
But I do dream of sending my kids to France during their summer vacation, once they’re old enough. This way they get to immerse themselves in the language, the people, the history and the culture.
We’re all doing the best we can. Thanks for sharing!
Great newsletter here, the shockwaves are a hard reality check for mothers entering a liminal phase, a new stage, when all of culture is busy doing "something else".
It was our reason for moving countries.
Little ones are so absorbent in their early years.
We want a culture that could nourish us, and that we were happy to work and contribute to.
I absolutely love your content and Nordic style parenting tips. The phrase “you’re capable” has helped me so much. It’s really changed my household!