Stress-Free Kids' Parties? Try the Nordic Style

Birthdays are ballooning out of proportion. Easy & simple can be just as much fun.

Jan 24, 2023

“When are we having the party with my friends?” quizzed my oldest son from the back of the extra, extra large SUV we had booked from Uber, to get us and our luggage from JFK Airport back to our Connecticut home after nearly five months in Scandinavia.

“Uhmmm, soon!” I craned my neck to smile at him.

Back when we lived in NYC, had two boys instead of three, and hosted lavish kids birthday party.

In the midst of unpacking 14 suitcases, resettling back into our house, setting up Christmas and planning our son’s birthday with just us family—it falls in-between Christmas and New Year, when no friends are around—my husband and I hadn’t had a moment to also start planning a birthday party to host his friends.

“What would you like to do with your friends?” I asked, curious what he would choose now, having been immersed in the Nordic lifestyle, and away from here, for one entire semester.

“Play in the basement.”
“In our jungle gym?”
“Yes.”

Lavish Parties

The first time I experienced the lavish American birthday parties was when my two oldest boys started 3-year-olds and 4-year-olds programs at their New York school. And boy, were they parties!

These kids’ gatherings were held either at private, rented spaces such as the common lounges in skyscraper—high apartment buildings, or kids’ indoor play spaces or play gyms that families had booked entirely to be used just for the party.

The beautifully designed invites arrived via mail or email. The festivities were stunningly decorated, often with everything from customized balloons to customized napkins.

Sometimes a bartender mixed mimosas, other times champagne flowed. And the entertainment would never disappoint: for showtime, kids would enjoy DJs, magicians, music classes and performances, guided play sessions by child educators or teachers, unique obstacle courses, and even indoor zip-lines.

Large birthday cakes came in tailor-made designs and vibrant colors created by the most famous bakeries, and tables were flowing with ordered hors-d'oeuvres.

Invited families bought high-end gifts for the celebrated child, and the little guests left with goodie bags filled with mini-sized toys and treats.

These parties were fun. So much fun. I always got dressed up for these downtown Manhattan occasions, knowing that it would be par for the course. Even then, I often found myself to be one of the most casually dressed: the fashion, in these gatherings, was always on point and pure style inspiration.

However, when it was our turn to host a birthday party for our child, I quickly learnt that producing and hosting such an event was wildly time-consuming, labor-intensive and expensive.

I couldn’t help but wonder if all that was really necessary, for our child, and his friends, to have a good time. And I wasn’t sure if I could do it again.

Small Town Charm

When we moved from New York City to Connecticut, I figured, with the larger homes and all, this would be the Return of the Backyard Birthday Party, with the Self-Made Cake.

Not quite.

The Hermes and Chanel accessorized moms and sharply styled dads turned into athleisure-clad parents, but the customized, pricy parties in rented-out spaces remained.

There was one birthday party we got invited to, that was hosted at the child’s house, but not without a rented firehouse-themed bouncy house that came with slides, and rides on a real firetruck. Magical experiences, without question.

But still, attempting to host anything similar for my kids would still be time-consuming, labor-intensive and very expensive to pull off. Could I create magic in other ways? Like maybe, just do it the Scandinavian way?

The Simple Life

When my kids’ birthdays rolled around after we had moved to Connecticut, I wondered if my kids would want to do their parties like other kids did, or, if they could find the magic in the simpler things—or, even prefer the simpler things. I started to downsize their parties slowly.

For one party, we invited the friends over to our house, and hosted a “pokemon” themed yoga class in our basement, guided by our son’s yoga teacher from his school. To decorate the space, I borrowed a projector from a mom friend, and soon had a yellow Pokemon dancing on the wall, from a free YouTube video.

I got two ready-made vegan cakes from Whole Foods—the largest American supermarket chain focused on natural foods—and placed mini Pokemons, ordered for from Amazon, on top of the cakes.

Simpler times: cake custom decor a la the Daily Bakery ;-)

Before the birthday cake reveal, my son and his friends enjoyed vegan pizza—also store-bought, frozen—which I heated up in the oven as the kids’ bent into half moons and rolled into bow poses. The birthday party invite had been a group text message.

The next party, we downsized even more: no organized entertainment at all. It was summer, so we invited the friends—again via group text message—to come swim in the pool and run around in the yard, and for the cake, I used a ready-made organic, vegan mix, added flax eggs and oil, and poured it into a cake pan. After I pulled it out of the oven, I added store-bought chocolate frosting, and placed one of our son’s presents—a little-remote control truck—on top. We set the cake on the table, had the car “self-drive” off of the cake, and asked him to blow his candles and make a wish. Magic.

Warning: It’s a Scandinavian Party!

Before the next party, which was even more relaxed, I started to warn the parents in the text message invite:

“Welcome to a Nordic-themed party! Free play for kids, free drinks for you! Please keep the gift costs low:-)”

I also wondered if I should have added: “no goodie bags”, so parents could let their kids know there would be none, in case they were expecting it. By not offering goodie bags, I wondered if I crossed the line so much so that I asked on my Instagram if this was indeed the thing you absolutely cannot do here, in the US. Many said they too wished the goodie bag habit didn’t exist, so I decided to stick with my Scandinavian plan.

We even gave up on writing thank you cards for the gifts—I know, I know, I really tried. But, however much I tried, I could never manage to track down which kid brought which gift before everything was ripped open and already part of play. So I simplified this too, and this year, we started to draft one simple video message we texted to the parents and the kids afterwards: “thank you,” adding whatever our kids wanted to say to display their gratitude.

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Boys’ Night

This January, my husband took on planning our oldest son’s “free play in the basement and winter backyard” party. He texted our son’s friends’ dads, and then, on the day of the party, he arranged bakery-bought cupcakes into a tower, picked up a few helium-filled balloons, and ordered in pizza.

Once everyone arrived, he had a few beers with the other dads in the kitchen, while the boys played indoors and out and watched the latest Top Gun. I think the napkins were paper towels and the only clean-up before the party was our malfunctioning robot vacuum.

I do remember thinking, as the little guests were running around the house, that I should have optimized cleaning for sleeping the night before. I also regretted that I hadn’t manage to make my promised mocktails for the boys for the “movie screening,” as our toddler had been a handful. But it quickly became clear, that custom-made drinks or clean floors hadn’t been in my son’s mind, at all.

“How did you like the party?” my husband and I asked, after everyone had left and we were coaxing our three boys into PJs, and to bed.

“Best. Party. Ever.”

LET’S CHAT! Is it OK to not have goodie bags? Do you think kids miss out if they have simpler parties than their friends? What makes a good memory of a great birthday party? Comment below!