How Moms Thrive in the World's Happiest Country

This is what I learnt during my journey from the U.S. to Finland's Mom Utopia.

Apr 12, 2023

As a Finnish expat living in the United States, I thought I had found the land of opportunity, where dreams could come true through hard work and determination.

But once I had children, I realized that the American dream wasn't all it was cracked up to be—at least not for moms. I leaned in, I hustled, and I strived to have it all, but what I ended up with, was being constantly overwhelmed, anxious, and burned out.

That's when I decided to move my family to Finland for five months, and it changed my life.

Finland, the Scandinavian country located in Northern Europe, has been named the world's happiest country for the sixth time. So, what makes it so special, especially for mothers? Let's dive into the key differences between motherhood in the U.S. and Finland that I experienced during my time there, and see if these would make you happier too.

1.Affordable childcare comparable in quality to the best private nursery schools in the US

Just like pretty much every child in Finland, my toddler went to Finnish daycare. He played all day, and hours of it outside, napped in a little bed, and was fed healthy hot meals and snacks in mini-sized dining room. I felt so comfortable taking him there. What made the daycare in Finland especially different to daycares or nursery schools in the US, is that the daycare professionals are not considered teachers, but rather pedagogists, who help you raise your child. After 5 months, I had a potty trained two-year-old, who had also learned social graces and become extremely confident and quite independent. In Finland, kids go to daycare until they turn 7 years old, and start school. How would your life change if this was available to you?

2.Exceptional, safe schools that educate through play

I put my two older boys to a Finnish school for a semester, so they could not just master the language, but receive a world-class education, complete with healthy, warm school lunches made by the school chef, all for free.

During the short school day, my boys’ teacher focused on fostering a love for learning, mastering life skills and reducing stress, rather than administering tests. She also gave the kids the typical 15 minutes of free play per every 45 minutes in the classroom to increase their ability to focus—all methods that lead Finnish kids to outsmart most of the world, including the U.S., in the international PISA rankings on language, math and science, by the time they are 15. And, kids are safe in school.

3.No need to choose between their career and family

While balancing work and life with kids is never easy anywhere, Finland’s daycare system, shorter and often more flexible work hours, and universal healthcare that’s not tied to an employer (so if you change jobs or go freelance, you don’t lose your benefits) make it possible to have both without sacrificing one or the other. If you want to stay home to take care of your child for up to three years, you can get paid to do that too (not much, but some), and then continue your job after that.

I was working part-time for myself when I was in Finland, but I felt so much peace that I could still take care of my family when one of my sons fell off a tree and another got a sudden ear infection. I also tried a private practice which took care of us immediately without any insurance, for about $100. What choices would you make, if your family didn’t need to consider having health insurance through an employer?

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4.More independent kids, less motherhood demands

In Finland, I had so much more time to be with my children, because there was so much less I had to do for them. Most seven year olds already walk to school by themselves, and meet friends at a playground, and even run some errands—my boys learnt these skills within two months. Moms don’t really participate in daycare and schools, except for the seasonal bake sale, and they have a lot less admin work because kids are not as scheduled as in the US. Even birthday parties tend to be simple, and at home. And, what’s more, moms get breaks even if they have babies: you just park your stroller with a napping baby outside of a cafe—where they sleep for ages—and meet friends for coffee or lunch. On the weekends, we had our toddler nap outside restaurants, when we had lunch with our big boys. How would all this independence change your day?

5.Emphasis on wellness

In Finland, my mom friends prioritized self-care with weekly sauna sessions, cold plunges, nature walks, and carefully planned schedules—leaving work at work, solo tasking, not multitasking—that prevent burnout. I followed suit, my whole life slowed down, and I could hear my thoughts for the first time after having kids. Contributing to feeling good, the beauty standards in Finland prioritize healthy and natural over made-up and tuned-up, even on social media. How would these priorities and habits chan ge how you feel about yourself?

6.Shared parenting responsibilities come naturally

I saw Finnish parents divide housework and child-related duties more equally than in the U.S., valuing each other's contributions inside and outside of the home without basing tasks on who earns more or less, or who is with the kids more or less. And, while my American husband couldn’t participate because of the language, all communication chains around kids were not just run by and for moms, and some dads even spearheaded the playdates. It made family life less overwhelming for everyone, would it do the same for your family?

7.Kids can be kids, and a little untamed

In Finland, kids are not expected to act like grown-ups, so moms don’t need to stress so much about the things they can’t control. In the main library in Helsinki, for example, near the kids’ books, there is a place where my boys could run around and jump and climb. When grocery shopping, if my toddler would throw a tantrum, people didn’t look at me like I should immediately leave or quiet the child, they smiled like “I have been there. It’s like that sometimes!” Or, when my kid didn’t have the right school books in his backpack or lost some of them, the teacher reminded me that “your child’s independence is a work in progress”. How your child behaves, doesn’t determine if you are a good or bad mom, and it lessened a lot of anxiety and mom guilt for me. Would it do the same for you?

8.Focus on raising self-reliant, happy children, not successful children

Finnish moms focus on raising their children to find their own path to happiness and contentment, rather than cultivating their lives to achieve maximum success. No one worries about getting their kid to the best school, best sports, best activities, best camps, best university, or even getting your kid to be the best they could be. It’s about learning life skills, so you can handle any situation, and learning what leads to a happy life for you: doing things that you enjoy from work to leisure, and just enough, nothing too much in all areas of your life.

During my time in Finland, I discovered that happiness is more than a way of life; it is a destination. My months there were the happiest of my life, and although I'm now back in the US, I'm determined to live the Finnish way as much as possible. What do you think about this lifestyle?