Unleash the Power of Simplicity: Better Life, Brilliant Kids

Defying helicopter parenting and hustle culture, I tried these 10 Scandinavian Hacks that promise a more successful and satisfying life for the whole family. Would you?

May 16, 2023

A constant state of anxiety and overwhelm in life or parenting is not sustainable, but can less really be more?

Until I lived in Finland with my boys last fall, I had no idea how simple parenting could actually be. For almost nine years, I had been totally overwhelmed by 9am each morning, attempting every possible meditation and breathing exercise to get my heart rate down—and to try to hear my thoughts.

In the US, I bought into the “Lean In”, “Supermom” and “Have-It-All (Now)” myths, seeing them manifest all around me.

This is clearly how you are supposed to do mom life—and life, I kept thinking, to have everything you really want.

But while I kept having more and more of what I wanted, I grew more and more exhausted and frankly, miserable.

In Finland, I saw something else that shocked me: a completely different roadmap to success and satisfaction: all aspects of life, simplified.

Why hasn’t anyone told me this before?!

Had I realized that keeping it this simple would have been a possibility, it would have dramatically changed my early motherhood experience: I think I actually could have had just enough, but not too much of it all—and skipped the burnout. As for the kids? The independence and play focused approach is the Scandinavian cornerstone to confident, capable, and way less anxious kids.

Luckily, it’s never too late to start—for me, or for you—so here’s the 10 Step Guide to Scandinavian Simplicity:

1.Simplify your parenting standards.

Figure out your own standards of being a great parent. Live up to only those standards, not others, so you can keep your choices simple without feeling guilt. Read more about it here. Remember what Scandinavians suggest as a sufficient standard: if you keep your kids fed, clothed and safe, and love them, they got what they need to thrive.

2.Simplify kids’ activities

Swap over-scheduling to more independent, free play. If your kids are able to play—to come up with stuff to do on their own, without your direction, participation or close supervision—even if occasionally, you free up massive amount of time and head space for yourself, save money on kids’ activities (that often cost as much as $50 an hour), save on the admin time (signing up, scheduling, planning transport to and from, and planning what to do with siblings during that time).

If your kids develop this skill, you don’t need to schedule a babysitter every time you need to get something done, especially if it is at home, and you don’t always need to use screens as a babysitters when you need a minute.

And, what’s more, if your kids develop this skill, they are much better suited to thrive during life’s ups and downs, problem solve and just figure it out—on their own. And, if they whine that they are bored? Just say, “I can’t wait to see what you’ll come up with!”

Would you try this, or too nerve-racking?

3.Simplify Play

I have completely stopped buying toys for my kids as I realized kids don’t actually need so many toys: the easiest, most entertaining play is often outside, in nature, or using real things you have at home. The only “toys” we bought this year, are play-doh and scooters.

At playgrounds, I just let the kids roam, and sit down and observe: you would be surprised how well even younger kids do when you let them take risks, and move the way they do. If you feel too anxious and can’t not hover over, just back up a bit more each time. And, let them play in the rain!

4.Simplify Educational Goals

When I put my kids’ into a Finnish school for a semester, and they just played, my American husband almost got heart attack. He was already concerned they would fall behind.

I calmed his nerves by explaining that Finland remains at the top of the PISA charts—the international ranking system for kids’ skills in math, language and science—even though school starts at age 7 because the first grades focused on life skills. The education system is not so much about kids getting the right answers, but about teaching kids how to find answers, and how to solve problems—not matter what the challenge is, and to keep go even if it first doesn’t seem like the right one.

So, you don’t need to rush it so much with the ABC’s or focus on educational activities or toys, or get tutors (unless really needed), or be so on top of grades and test scores, or supervise homework. Like in Finland, if a child is able to develop core life skills first, the rest will naturally fall into place.

5. Simplify School Lunch

In the US, parents use bento boxes for their kids (plastic containers with multiple compartments, and every day, make sandwiches, cut fruits and veggies, and assemble snacks to try to create a wholesome meal. I realized that this is not really necessary. While Finland-style free chef-made lunches at schools don’t exist elsewhere, why not make lunch an opportunity to develop independence? As I quickly noticed, even my 7-year-old child can put together his own lunch, and it can be as simple as scooping dinner leftovers to a heatable container.

6. Simplify Dinner

Did you know that in Finland, there’s such a thing as “Dinner Oats” which is a typical supper for kids? It’s quick, easy, nourishing and filling right before bed without much cleanup at all—and so delicious that it’s now what they request for when they get home late from baseball games or golf tournaments.

7.Simplify Home Tasks

Even young kids are able to help out with cleaning the kitchen, loading and unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning counters and organizing their rooms. I don’t think you should call them chores though, and I don’t think you should pay for them (no one pays me for them!), and I also don’t think you should have a housekeeper or nanny or an au pair (if you are lucky to have one) do these for the children. I think these tasks are just what we all do daily to live together in a house that needs maintenance. When my kids need an incentive, I let them reward themselves with a few little candies for those tasks, which they then save for Friday, which is the Finnish “karkki paiva” or “candy day”.

8.Simplify bedtime

As I learned, after moving to an apartment without a bathtub in Helsinki, Finland, you can swap baths to showers even for toddlers, and teach kids 6 and up to wash their own hair — and, unless your child got really dirty or sweaty, they don’t even need a shower every day. I also learned that you don’t need to do hours-long bedtime routines: you can just do a routine together, like all lie in the same bed, relaxing and reading your own books. (And when they fall asleep, I carry them to their own beds).

Hi! Don’t forget to tap the heart-shaped like button at the end, it’s like saying “hi!” back, “I was here'“:-)

9.Simplify expectations

Let kids be kids. Expect kids to be kids. And, when others think your kids should be grown-ups, well, take a look at Step #1. You’ll stay younger that way!

10.Simplify your relationship with your child

In the US, there’s so much focus on kids’ moment-to-moment well-being, that we often forget parents’ wellbeing and sometimes even just their basic needs. You can’t always model perfect behavior, or respond with patience, empathy and understanding because you are a human too. We all have good days and cranky days (and especially so if we are sleep deprived, and our needs haven’t been met), and it’s OK for our kids to see that. Simply put, the more we can recharge and take care of ourselves, the better we are at parenting, and the more we enjoy it—and life.