How to be a Fun Mom, Scandi Style

And get kids to play independently outside, all at the same time. Applies for dads too.

Hi! I sent this post out as a video last week, adding a reel of fun moments, and realized that it showed up as a “1 minute view”. The post was really a read, so I’m reposting this with pics instead—read & comment below the poll! If you already read it, new post is coming up soon! I have so many topics I want to discuss with you: what do you want to hear about next?

Onto the read!

We just returned from our last minute winter break trip, in Kiawah Island, South Carolina. I had an AHA! moment I can’t wait to discuss with you: 

How to actually get kids to play more outdoors—which, the Scandinavians believe, is the secret to a happy childhood and the best childhood education—and be a fun mom/dad/parent all at the same time.

Obstacles to Outdoor Free Play

I’m a true believer in the Scandinavian ideals of “there’s no such thing as bad weather”, “independent free play is the best kind of activity for kids” and “boredom leads to creativity.”

But, as I gaze outside my floor-to-ceiling living room windows into my gray, gloomy, and cold backyard in late February, with a few scattered-around mini BMX ramps and a solo soccer goal that have been serving as our after-school activities since late December, and as I realize that I am really not able to schedule any friends to come over to free play with my boys, because no one is free, even I’m starting to doubt my own commitment to my Nordic values. What’s more, the local playground, which luckily is open, yet mostly empty over the cold months, is starting to feel too young for them. Hiking in the woods and climbing over fallen trees is possible, but still quite an effort: it requires a drive, and the entrance to our nearest forest walk was just blocked by construction.

The kind of free outdoor play that was easy and possible for us in Scandinavia, is not really working for us here in the US, despite our best efforts.

If I wanted to hold onto these Nordic ideals, I would need to rethink how to turn them into actual reality and give them a truly new American twist.

Working With What You Got

My boys’ sports obsession provided me with an AHA!-moment. An American sports star provided me with the inspiration. And our recent trip proved to me that I was on the right track.

Maybe, we turn the free outdoor play into freely played outdoor sports. 

Maybe, for now, we turn the independent outdoor play into bonding time.

And maybe, we all together turn the winter boredom into creativity with how we play.

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An Idea From a Young Sports Star

In my previous career, way before I had kids, I created and produced a video series in Hawaii with a major national men’s magazine and a major clothing brand with a young kite surfing and surfing star with a Redbull sponsorship. He was, I believe, 18 back then, and he told me his favorite friends were his parents. I couldn’t believe it. He told me that his parents were the ones who always did the coolest stuff including fun and exciting surf sessions in the Pacific Ocean, while his friends wanted to play video games indoors, in their basements. So, he kept riding waves with his parents instead. 

I never forgot that. 

Sometimes I think how wild it is that I became a boy mom three times over. I have often struggled to bond with my little guys over their interests, and throw myself into what they love: cars, motorcycles, BMX bike & scooter stunts, ski tricks, parkour, and anything with a ball. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. Luckily, with very little kids, there are many ways to bond.

Now that Lucas, my oldest son, has just turned nine, I have started to feel like I’m on borrowed time. I wanted to raise kids that can be independently savvy, but I also wanted to raise kids that would still want to hang out with me when they turned into a teenager. Could I ever become that kind of parent? The kind of parent that the surf star had? 

With my boys, we bond on our active travel adventures, but I knew I would also need to really lean into one of the sports they love doing at and near our home. I also knew that in my youthful age, BMX stunts probably weren’t it. Even a full-face helmet couldn’t help me there.

So, I decided, I would do my very best to learn a ball-sport, golf, Lucas’s biggest obsession. 

Even if it’s not a common Scandinavian sport by any means, golf provided an opportunity to practice the Nordic values and to bond through play: golf is outdoors in nature, it’s independent play you can do together, and it could be considered free play as there are countless ways to get creative in how you practice and play, with infinite possibilities to develop your skills. And, what’s most important, golf is something my child finds incredibly fun and exciting.

(If you are on a busy golf course at a busy time, your freedom obviously gets limited: you better follow every single rule, etiquette and pace of play—which are also good to learn to practice awareness and responsibility.)

Learning to Play

So, for the winter break, we booked a trip to Kiawah Island, famous for it’s exceptional golf courses and golf training facility (and, I might add, it’s much more economical now during “off season”). Each morning, my boys developed their skillsets with fun golf games, my husband tried to beat his own record playing a new course every day, and I was trying my very best to grasp all the basics at a ladies’ golf bootcamp practicing 5 hours a day. It was so, so hard.

But, if my hunch was right, the pay back for my efforts would be huge. 

After days of me taking lessons, when we all went out together on the Osprey Point course after most people had vacated the greens for their post-game happy hour, my son seemed to feel a completely different connection to me.

Instead of just focusing on his game, being the first to hit the ball off the tee at each hole—which would be completely expected—he instead wanted to just stay with me, support me, and play with me, so proud that I could make contact with the golf ball—his sport. 

“Mama, hold on tight, now it’s getting bumpy!,” he shouted as he drove the golf cart off the rough into the cart path, with me next to him. “Now, mama, that’s where you tee off,” he pointed, showing me the easiest place for me to start, and when my ball didn’t get any loft (air), and I said “ughhh!”, he said “don’t worry, you just got started! I have been practicing for a long time. You will get it,” and “yes, just do a second try, I will wait for you.” 

And, as soon as we got home, seeing the grass wasn’t frosted, he asked, “mama, can just we go outside and play (golf)?” 

x Annabella - Now, let’s chat! How do you find ways to get your kids outside, and to free play alone and with their friends? And how do you tighten the bond, especially as they keep growing bigger and bigger and find you less fun?

PS. Any individual outdoor sport that you have access to, that your child thinks is thrilling, would do the trick. If your child isn’t into sports, it could be an outdoor activity with a purpose that you both would be motivated to consistently do near where you live.

PPS. Free play is defined as a child-led activity where they can use their imaginations. To “free play” sports, allow your child to take the lead—you don’t always need to follow the established rules—and focus on their greatest passion.

PPPS. Golf can be a very expensive sport. Because of my husband’s golf obsession and work in the golf industry, golf courses and equipment are easily accessible to us. This is not about golf, but about figuring out what is already available. This should be about play and bonding, not about investing in something costly, except maybe a few lessons for a parent to be able to match or get close to their child’s skillsets!